Ronald Ward
Ronald Ward
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Ronald Joseph Ward, of Merrill, died Tuesday, June 29, 2021, at Aspirus Wausau Hospital. He was 66 years old. He was born on March 3, 1955, in Milwaukee a son of William and Margaret Ward. He married Laura Gries on December 4, 1982, in Milwaukee.

Ron was a carpenter for Union Local 310 for 30 years.

Survivors include his wife, Laura; son, Douglas Ward of Tomahawk; daughter, Elizabeth (Dustin) Woodward of Merrill; two grandchildren, Aiden Jaeger and Braydon Woodward; sisters, Dolly (Kim) Zarintash, Cathy (Butch) Foster and Jeannie (Robert) Newman; and mother-in-law, Dorothy Gries. He is also survived by brothers and sisters-in-law, nieces, nephews and friends.

A private celebration of life will take place.

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l on Dec 4, 2021

Hi Baby, Well it's the 4th of December 2021..Happy 39th wedding Anniversary...I wrote you a letter yesterday but, it just wouldn't post...Marge called today to see how I was doing she thought this might be a rough day for me...she was right. I miss you so much and I just hate being alone. I am so grateful for this house and everything I really am I couldn't even imagine where i would be, (which is a pretty scary thought) if we didn't have everything taken care of. I was going to make us a cake but, just couldn't get myself to do it. I pray you are happy,healthy and safe that means everything to me. I guess they are calling for a few inches of snow starting some time after midnight tonight. I am grateful I don't have to go anywhere and I don't need anything you know how much I love driving in the snow.....Marge is having a baby-shower for her daughter Nicole on Sunday, she has been married for three years already hard to believe. Everyone is growing up so fast it feels like babies having babies. I think Moms memory is slowing fading she is 95 but, she still knows when the bills are do, so I am not sure. Liz thinks there is a fox around here and in the yard, He or she left prints over by moms deck so,I am a little nervous about the doggies. I go out with them at night just to keep a closer eye on them. I have such a cold it doesn't even pay to blow my nose it's keep running all day long. I hope you read these letters and listen to my phone calls either way they make me feel better thinking you just might. Well baby I hope you had a great day and I hope your continuing looking down on me..You may want to tell Jesus I could use some direction as to what he wants me to do as I have no idea...Love always Laura...Happy 39th honey

L Laura Ward on Dec 2, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 2nd of December 2021...Sorry this is going to be short tonight I don't feel very well..I could really go for one of your arm tickle/rubs right now. That always make me feel better. I found some strange animal tracks in the yard,Liz and the boys came over to take a look and they think it is a wolf...Now I am worried about the doggies..I pray it doesn't come back. Well Honey thats about all for tonight I just feel like garbage..I love and miss you Laura

L Laura Ward on Dec 1, 2021

Hi baby, It's the 1st day of December 2021....We got a little snow last night so I shoveled off the driveway and decks. I had to take mom to her dentist appt. at 12:20 which didn't really go all that well. She gets so nervous and scared..They told me she would have to go to a dentist that could operate on her tooth as she is to old for them to knock her out. She was not happy! So I have to make another appt. they gave me a list of surgeons in wausau. I started the book of LUKE tonight Wendy is doing it as well. I ran to walmart eariler to get a few things and it was 200.00 dollars things are just going up. Actually I do believe I could make it ok with the things I have here we stocked up pretty well the last few years. I just don't know what is happening in this world it all seems so crazy, I guess prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I do have enough for land taxes in out tax account now so when ever I get the paper I can take care of that..I am just going to pay the whole thing at once instead of the two payment system we did before. Now that it's December you never know what type of weather will be coming so, other than my once a month trip to the
bank and mole lake I think I am just going to stay put most of the winter. Well baby I hate to say it but, mom ware me out today..I am getting to old for this.....Anyway remember I love and miss you every minute of every day...Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 30, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 30th day of November..the last day of November December 1st in the morning...The months just keep coming and going and nothing changes. I still have no clue of what my future is going to be I haven't gotten any direction or what way I should go.I spoke with Wendy on the phone for about a hour or so which was nice, I think we are kind of on the same page as far as God in concerned or at least what we believe in. Starting December 1st we are reading the book of Luke which has 24 chapters I believe so by Christmas day we will have read the whole book of Luke which I think is a pretty good idea. I have to learn what God expects from me somehow and as much as I listen nobody really seems to answer the questions that I personally have. They say all the answers are in the bible so I pray they are correct. Believe me if I knew how to speak with you, God and Jesus I would be doing all the time..I mean I do talk to all of you all the time but, I never heard any of you. I am going to keep trying because actually that's all I can do and I want to speak with you or see you so bad so all I can figure out to accomplish that is keep trying. Douglas, Taylor and Lydia came by today to pick up his Thanksgiving dish and some left over pie. Everyone appeared good and Douglas said he did take the car in to get tires, battery and maybe brakes. All the animals are good and mom as her dentist appt. at 12:20 tomarrow afternoon, so I will give her a shower in the morning. Depending on the weather I may take her for a ride to the bank as she has some checks to cash.Ron thank you for everything...I am very comfortable and want for nothing other than you. Wendy even asked me if I needed some money for the holidays and I was proud to tell her I need for nothing as we took care of everything we had control of. Well baby that's about it for tonight...please remember how much you are missed and loved..Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 29, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 29th of November 2021...I was going to wait and write you a little later but, I can already feel myself falling apart. You have been gone for 5 month's today actually in about 2 hrs and 45 minutes it will be 5 months. I still have a hard time believing your gone. I just can't figure out what I am support to do without you. I wish I had some sense of direction or some idea of where to go from here. I guess it will be what it will be, I can't change anything if I knew now I would, I would do anything to have you back here with me in our home. Anyway today we had our first real snowfall not that much maybe 3 inches or so. I shoveled the driveway and all the decks which actually felt good to get outsize and do some work. I just made a crock pot full of creamy wild rice and turkey soup which was pretty good. I just really want you to know how grateful I am for everything you have done. I wouldn't have all this without you and I can't even begin to explain how much it all means to me. Everything you have done is allowing me to live so comfortably and have all our furry four legged babies which is everything. I really cannot thank you enough. I really hope and pray heaven is everything and more than you ever imagined, you desire it all, I just hope you always watch over me and the kids and you are there to welcome us when it is our time to join you. It's a strange feeling because I feel so grateful for everything you have done for me and with me and yet so sad and afraid because you are not here. I think I maybe coming down with a chest cold which sucks but, it is cold and flu season and I had to make Mom a dentist appt. for Wed. the 1st as her tooth or jaw has been bothering her for a few weeks. ..Well baby please remember and never forget we love and miss you so much....Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 28, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 28th of November 2021....Dusty, Liz and Braydon came by this afternoon and we brought in a bunch of wood into the garage. The nights have been cold but, today was actually pretty nice out. I got my feety PJ's on (without feet)they are so warm and cozy. I think you bought them like 3 Christmases ago or so. Douglas called and is going to stop by Monday mid-morning I made him up a Thanksgiving dish to take home. Well only 2 days left in November then it's December already. I guess that means just settling in for a long winter, I just wish you were here I hate being alone and the winter will make that worse. I think maybe a will make one more aldi run to stock up for the winter I really don't need much although both mom and I like the bags of soup at fleet farm so maybe I will just get a bunch of those. Her mouth has been hurting her and soup is easy to eat so that maybe the best bet. Well thats about all the news or info I have...Ripzy did pretty good today which makes me happy. I love you and miss you Love always and forever...Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 27, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 27th day of November 2021..Just think 36 years ago today we brought our little baby girl into this world. It's hard for me to believe they are both so grown up...The day started out pretty early 7ish am and we made Thanksgiving/Birthday dinner with all our usual dishes. The only thing missing was Douglas and his family and of course you. It was hard but, I made it through I didn't think I would but, I did. I know that may not sound like a big deal but, I think it was a pretty big step. I did however downstairs and cry for a short while after everyone had gone home and spoke with you awhile. I don't think I am going to do this good on December 4th our 39th wedding anniversary. That is a milestone and not to many people make it that far anymore. I know you are not here anymore but, as far as I am concerned we are still married. We never went through a divorce and I do not consider someone's passing a break up as it wasn't up to either one of us. I know we would have never got divorced we may have killed each other but, not a divorce. Just kidding of course although I know we have both slept with one eye open more than a few times. I don't think people would have ever " got our relationship " but, no matter what was going on good and bad we both knew we loved each other. Ripzy had a bad morning she threw up and lost her balance it scared me to death. I can not lose her so close to losing you my heart couldn't take that. Liz said the Birthday gift's we got her fit fine..I always buy PJ"s bigger as I think they are so much more comfortable that way. I was worried about the slipper/boots as it's hard to buy shoes for people but, I guess they fit too. I know I told you to come and have a glass of wine with me tonight but, Ithink I need a rain check. I am so full I don't think I could even fit a glass of wine in me. Maybe Sunday night. Give all our four legged babies up there with you a big hug and kiss for me and wish them a Happy Thanksgiving/ Liz's Birthday. I love you and miss you baby and I can not wait to be with you again..Love always Laura

l on Nov 26, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 26th of November 2021...The 27th is Liz's 36th birthday and Thanksgiving dinner. I haven't had a Thanksgiving dinner without you in 39 years,it's going to be strange and sad. Douglas came and got your jeep yesterday as he wasn't able to get the rogue repaired yet. I think Dusty and the kids took Liz out for a birthday dinner tonight. I made the stuffing tonight and the deviled eggs so there will be less to do in the morning. I don't have my taster here anymore ( you ) so I hope everything is alright...I'll have to make Douglas a Thanksgiving dinner layer meal he always liked those. Don't forget our wine date.....I love and miss you so much, sorry this isn't longer but, maybe I will have more to talk about later..Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 25, 2021

Hi Baby7, It's the 25th day of November 2021...Happy Thanksgiving. I am bearing hanging in here Ton..I am trying so hard but,it is really hard. Liz, Dusty and Braydon stopped by and Douglas come later to pick up the jeep to use until his car and the rogue gets ready for winter. We went over so many things that we did for the holidays as the kids got older and it was nice going down memory lane but, I bet they didn't even get to hwy 64 before I started balling. I feel like I am doing ok when people are here but it doesn't last for long. Jo called this morning and I told her I don't feel very grateful for to much and she said well at least your all I could think of is that maybe good for some but all it feels like to me is punishment. I didn't say anything but, that was my thought. She's not alone alot of the things posted on facebbook states the same thing. I don't think anyone really gets it..I wish I could say what I really think..I do not want to wake up ,I do not want be here anymore and waking up each day just feels like more torment. When people lose someone they have their spouse to hold on lean on and find comfort in..But, where do you turn when the person you leaned on is the one your missing? Everything people say I should be grateful for just is nothing but pain and sorrow. Everyone thinks I should be grateful for life , I hate my life I hate waking up everyday I am doing nothing but, exsisting. I really don't see anything good at all. Don't get me wrong I love the kids and Grandkids but, honestly They are great kids with their own life and families and I play little to no part in thier lives all I had was you and I guess God thought that was to much. I have no wish or want to be here anymore this is not a blessing it is a curse. I am not really sure what I did to deserve this but, God doesn't make mistakes so I guess I am being punished for something. Doug and Liz are both strong and will do well in like with or without me here. It's to hard to try and explain how I am feeling because they just try to explain how much you are needed however, That just doesn't make me want to stay or change my mind. I guess it's one of those thing's that if you haven't felt this way there is noway you can understand. People just think's your crazy for feeling this way but, I can honestly say I do not fear death at all and I am ready to go. I don't want to sound needy or depressed because that's not it at all and people take it that way. I know people that have lost their children which is horrible and move on But, they have someone to comfort them to hold them and hold on to some kind of life with but, when you lose the one you have always turned to where do you go and to whom to you go? I don't have anything to offer anyone and there is zero reason to keep getting up, I guess their are people who take joy in waking up every morning and starting a new day but, for me it's just another day of lose, torment and disappointed. I really really feel the kids will be fine and if they really try they can achieve anything they wish it just takes the time to figure out wants verse's needs. My job here is done as far as I am concerned and since God hasn't shown me what I need to accomplish or complete I have no desire to try and figure it out. It's to bad that I can not tell anyone how I really feel without them thinking I am depressed or having a nervous breakdown, they just can not understand that I look forward to death. I wish we as American's we did what other counties do and celebrate death rather than mourn it. If the children were younger I most likely would not feel this way but they are both grown and turned out perfect so our job here should be done. The way I view things appears so yesterday and the younger people really don't seem to truly understand. Either way I am tired and I don't like being alone and I just don't have any more fight in me.If you can ( I do not know the rules in heaven) tell God or Jesus I am ready to come home and join you in our Fathers home. Thank you for listening and understanding Baby..I love and miss you Laura

l on Nov 24, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 24th of November 2021....Went to walmart today and bought a clock for the bedroom, I never know what time it is....I also got the kids some stocking stuffers. The world is just falling apart now their saying Thanksgiving is bad and we need to get rid of it. We need God back in this country so bad, I don't see how we can move forward without him. They are taking down more statues and stealing from stores's not going to stay away for ever we will be seeing it up here sooner or later. Nobody is grateful for anything anymore and it's sad to see. What happened to just being grateful for a roof over your head, clothes on your back any enough food so nobody goes to bed hungry? Now toy's are more important them a emergency fund or owning your own home very sad. I think if and when this ever turns around and people have to pay their own way once again there is going to be a lot of angry and misguided people in this world. As much as I miss you I do thank God and you every day for what I have..I know we worked hard for it and did without alot when others were buying what ever they wanted but,I really think in the long run we won the race. I just wish you could have enjoyed it awhile longer I really do. I wish people would just listen to those who have had to make the hard choices and let them know time is going to go by so much faster than they could imagine. It's hard I know I didn't listen very good either it took me awhile to figure it out. I hope and pray God doesn't wit to long to help this country we need him now. Well baby I love and miss you and I am grateful for everything you did to give all this to me..Love always Laura

l on Nov 23, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 23rd of November 2021...Well I managed to drag myself to walmart and It was just packed...I got a few things for Liz'a birthday/Thanksgiving. I did pick up a bottle of the wine you always least I pray I got the right one. Either way I will have a glass with you later that night. I also picked up a few candles seems I can't go to walmart without getting some.Phil the guy I listen to on the computer comes on tonight at 7pm which sucks because that the same time all the shows we watched come on. Mom had a pretty good day they are getting few and far between these days., I am going to call Gasco when the gas gets to 50 percent and hope they can fill it up so the bill isn't so huge, will see how that goes. The way the world is today I think its going to be a lean Christmas for many, which isn't really a bad thing as kids have so much these days. I find it funny that people are willing to work more and have less family time so they can buy more things they don't really need. I wish people could just respect what they have and realize things don't make you happy for long as they always want better or more. Actually sometimes I think what this country needs is a deep depression to wake people up. I know we talked about this several times. Having Thanksgiving without you is going to be so hard but, I am trying to take comfort in knowing you are happy, healthy and safe I have to keep repeating it to remind myself it's not all about me and how I feel. Well Baby I love and miss you every minute of every day please never forget that..Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 22, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 22nd of November 2021...I am sorry I don't have much to say today, it was a rather bad days..They come and go on their own and I don't have much control over them. I just can't seem to understand much these days and I feel like I am just going through whatever motions of life that I feel I have to. They don't get me many further or closer to a answer or solution, I just get up do my routine and go to bed. I just can not seem to move on and to be honest half of me doesn't even want to. Everything just feels like a huge waste of time yet..that doesn't make sense because all I have is time. I did walk to the mailbox and paid the bill that came..ya..I was pretty cold out all day so I really didn't want to go outside anyway. I just think you would have been better at really should have been visa versa. I just don't see a lesson in this at all, who and what did this help?. He could have healed you and let you remain here but, why not? where is the purpose in it all. Believe me I think about this all day long every day and I am no closer to an understanding than the day you left and believe me I have looked,read, listened and still nothing. Well anyway like I said I really didn't do anything...I just try and take some type of peace knowing you are healthy and happy I pray you are with all our many animals that we cared for over the years. I love and miss you so much..Love always Laura

l on Nov 21, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 21st day of November 2021....I cleaned most of the day and then Dusty stopped by and we talked awhile..Phil the guy I listen to on the computer doesn't feel well and wont be on tonight so I'm just watching tv. Ripzy was such a muffin today running around the house like she was 5 years old. It was nice to see. I blow a fuse thing yesterday and of course it had to be mom's t.v. I flipped some but,no the right one so Liz got it..Then today I went to use the dryer and no go..I am guessing one of the things I flipped was the dryer. Dusty said this afternoon that he would stop by on Monday or Tuesday so I will have him look at it. I just hung all the stuff on hangers it's not like I have never gone without a dryer before. Dusty and I just talked about times passed and it was kind of nice remembering all kinds of different struggles and good times throughout our life. More crazy things going on in this crazy world..Waukesha was having their Christmas parade and some crazy people were shooting and running a car right through the parade...just unbelievable! I am still waiting for Trumps return...before everything goes so wrong we can't turn it around any more.I guess this is what the world is without God in it. So very sad...things were so much easier before. At least I know you are safe, healthy and happy which is all I can ask for. I love you and miss you..Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 20, 2021

Hi Baby, Well it's the 20th of November 2021. Liz took me to Mole lake, fleet farm and a few other places today...I guess we are having Thanksgiving here on the 27th Liz's birthday. I was kind of hoping the holidays would just pass by this year there not going to be the same...T hen I thought what if this is Mom's last Thanksgiving and I can do that....I feel so torn in half. It's strange I feel like I can hold it together during the day not every day but, most days but as soon as night comes which is sooner now with the time change I just fall apart every night. I knew losing you would be hard but, this is much much worse than I thought. I hate being here all night by myself ( mom doesn't count) actually the days are getting pretty long too as I don't have much to do outside and it's pretty cold. One can only clean so much and the chores I know I should really do I just can't seem to start. I am not used to being alone, we have been together almost 40 years and I went from Dad and Mom's house to being with you. I never had my own apartment or even had a place with any of my girl friends, this is just all so new and unwanted. I would give anything to turn time back actually all I really wanted was for God to heal you here. When you think about things it is a wonder why we as humans even get married or have kids when at any minute everything can go away. Why do we put ourselves out there to experience lost and pain? Look at all the parents who have children with cancer and other horrible things not to mention all the ones lost in accidents or kidnappings ect.. One has to wonder why even knowing everything that could happen we do all these things anyway. The things one thinks about when they are left alone with their own thoughts is quite scary. Douglas can't join us for Thanksgiving which is hard but, he has two dinners to go too so I think he will have his fill of turkey. I haven't heard if he took the car in for tires yet, I guess he has been working alot of hours. I hope he gets that done before the snow starts. Well I guess that's really all I have Baby, I still hope and pray you read these..Love you always Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 19, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 19th day of November 2021....I didn't do much today either it's becoming a every day thing. Mom fall this morning right infront of her chair but, she is fine she didn't hurt herself, actually the back pain she was having actually went away maybe she fixed something...Liz is coming over tomarrow and we are going to mole lake and fleet farm I like to buy ahead on doggie and kitty food. She also brought up Thanksgiving which I was hoping would just pass by this year. I really don't feel very grateful and I really don't want to celebrate without you. I feel really toren and wish I could just run away for awhile I don't know where but, I feel bad. Thanksgiving dinner is a lot of hard work and it takes time and effort which right now I feel would be wasted on me. Life just sucks and I wish if something was going to happen it would just do it already. I am proud that both our children have grown up to be the people they are, they are both doing well and I want nothing more for them to enjoy thier families and all their accomplishments during the holidays, that's a great and wonderful gift. This is going to be a rough and rocky couple of months..I guess they say the first of everything without you is the hardest. I think December 4th is going to be the worst of them all..I'll tell you what when I get up there I am going to ask God why he makes us go through this because right now I think it is just so uncalled for. All the times you joked about what we would do if one of us died I wish just once we would have had a real serious talk. I guess I have a lot of I wished things on my list. Well I pray you are doing well and your feeling great not having any more heart issues. I love and miss you more and more every day..Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 18, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 18th day of November 2021....Well it was yet another dull boring day I did putz's around here and there and put the push mower in the garage ;I was thinking maybe I would mow the fenced in area once more but, it is really getting cold out there. Last night it was so windy the tree infront of the house closest to my bedroom window was scarping on the gutters and making a scary nail on the chalk board kind of noise. Today was pretty windy as well and cold really cold. Mom has been dealing with her back lately and sleeping on her heating pad which Diamond just loves, She snuggles up to mom and they share the heating pad....I think mom loves it. All the doggie kids are doing well, Ripzy has a hard time seeing and I have been hand feeding her breakfast and dinner, if I just put the plate down she won't touch it but when I feed her with a spoon she eats it right up. I don't know what I would be like right now if I didn't have these ladies dto take care of they give me more comfort than I can even put into words. I mean we have always loved our furry kids but, since we went to live with Jesus they have really became so much more important to me. It's kind of strange ever since you left I don't know what to do with myself. I never really thought about how much I did for you...Don't get me wrong I loved it and that was my, cleaning, laundry, ect..and I enjoyed doing all those things I always wanted the house nice for you, I wanted dinner on the table at 5pm for you ect..and now I have zero passion to do any of it. I still do it but once again I just want it all so you are proud of it and so you know that I am so grateful to have this house this yard and live here I love it all and always have. You worked so hard and came so far I want you to be proud of this place and I promise I will keep it up and keep it nice until my last breath. I am sure I will have days where things may not get done but, I promise I will always make it up. I don't know where I would be without this house it means everything to me you are everywhere I look. If I would have had to move I would have most likely ended up in some rental property and unable to have my doggies and Diamond which would have just ended me..I can not tell you how grateful I am I say it to myself several times a day and that's all because of you. I think with all our up's and down's we found God and when God, Jesus, you and I all worked together we accomplished all our dreams. I am grateful to all of you and will never ever forget it. I love and miss you so much..Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 17, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 17th day of November 2021....I didn't do much today either, However I studied some but, the more I try to understand the more lost I feel. God sure made things hard to understand at least for me. I listened to some of my programs over and over but,none of them really hit on what my questions are, some came close but no cigar. I just can't seem to let this go...I just feel like I want to learn everything I can but, I am not getting very far. That Pastor that came over was very nice but, he really didn't answer any of my questions which I am sure he wished he had the answers too as he lost his own son. I am hoping Liz will drive to mole lake this weekend sometime and maybe fleetfarm for a bag of bog food I have a 50lb bag but, I like to keep one ahead. I don't know why I can't seem to drive myself but, I just can't seem to do that yet. The thought of leaving the house kind of frightens me; I have no idea why. I just can not seem to pull myself out of this pit. I sure hope things are better for you, actually I know they are and I do take comfort in that. I just hope you can hear me talking to you and your reading all these letters. I miss and Love you so much..Love Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 16, 2021

Hi Baby,..I just realised that for the last 2 week I was writing October when it is November....Wow my mind is gone. Anyway it is the 16th of November 2021....Did a little cleaning today and that was about it. Listened to rapid fire 6 and now watching my nightly tv shows. Liz called tonight she didn't have any luck hunting with the snowfall. Now she is going to wait until after gun season to try again. She said she had all her tags filled by this time last year. Everyone is going ok here I guess. Today is Johns Birthday I will have to go on facebook and write him. I wish I had some good or new things to tell you but, I don't. I love and miss you so much...Love Laura

l on Nov 15, 2021

Hi Baby, It is the 15th day of October 2021. I ran into Walmart today for a few things I got a pair of PJ's and found out later I must have got the only pair that had a hole in them..just my luck. Other than that I didn't really do anything. I waited all day for one of my shows I like to watch on the computer to start at 6pm, the show started almost a hour late then my computer didn't do anything but duffer the whole time...what a crap day..I can watch the show in the morning on rumble but, it's not live.The show is rapid fire #6 which just blow my mind if any or all of it is true. I would say it would blow your mind but,now you are with God and may know all the wonders of this world. From what this guy in saying everything I have ever learned throughout my life has been a big fat lie. Either way it is interesting to think about. I haven't heard from anyone in awhile they are so busy with work, hunting and just family life. I wish you could listen to rapid fire with me I would be interested in your point of view. Well Baby other than that nothing has changed I still miss you every second of every day.I did listen to Sid Roth today that was pretty good I think I will listen to it again it kind of gave me some hope. Well Baby I love and miss you xxoo Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 14, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 14th of October 2021, I don't understand how the month's are passing by so quickly but, each day seem's to lag on forever. Well when I woke up this morning everything was white I think we got about three inches give or take. The tree's were all covered and it did look very nice out. I shoveled the deck top one and bottom one and the front porch the sun melted everything else. I always have to shovel the decks and the ramp for Ripzy I am always afraid she will slip and really hurt herself, plus she doesn't like walking in the snow it always sticks on the fur between her toes. I haven't heard from Liz so I don't know if she got lucky hunting with the new snow fall. I think it's going to be a long long winter. I am so grateful for everything we have the house is nice and warm and you did should a good job putting in the windows down stairs it is very comfortable no breeze at all. I have everything I could have ever dreamed of except you the most important thing of all. They say it's going to be a half and half winter cold and alot of snow...I am grateful I don't really need to go anywhere. All as I can do is be grateful you are now healthy and I know that is a huge deal, I guess I will never understand why God didn't heal you here and let you come back home by me at least not until I leave this earth myself. If he has a plan for my life I do wish he would share it with me I have no idea what it is or what to do. I do know I just don't want to leave this house. Well baby I hope you are getting these letter's..I love and miss you always...Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 13, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 13th day of October 2021. Well once again really didn't do much but, clean a little and pay some bills. Mom's back in kicking in again I hope and pray it doesn't get as bad as last time. I feel like I am trying so hard to move on but, truthfully I am barely holding on here. ( emotioinally that is) I am truly doing fine in every other aspect. I am so grateful for everything we accomplished together as I am in need of nothing with the exception of you.The poor Doggies want to go ran so bad, Rena just whines and whines everyday at approx. 3:00 pm which is the time I usually took them..They are smart cookies. It's getting pretty cold out at night now, and I guess snow will be coming. I am going to have to wait and see how everything goes. I keep telling myself not to worry about things that have not happened yet or that I can not change but, easier said than done. I keep praying and wishing I would here from you but, so far I haven't heard anything. In a few weeks we will be married 39 years and together almost that's something..Well baby please always remember and never forget I love and miss you...Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 12, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 12th day of October 2021...Took Mom to the DR. today Sharon come along to help. She missed the hat thing again but, the 4th time did it...thank God. Liz went hunting this morning and again this evening but,no luck. Dusty and Liz came over in the late morning about took a bunch of junk that was under the deck to the junk yard so it cleaned up the back yard which was nice. I guess they are calling for 1 to 3 inches of snow tonight or in the morning. I just hate the thought of going through a long winter without you here..The thought of plowing scares me but, that's not it , Winter is long anyway and being a lone will make it appear twice as long. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you or talk to you or miss you, actually every days its all three. Dusty made chilli the other day and brought some over this morning so we had it for dinner it is really good and it was nice I didn't have to make anything. I just don't enjoy cooking anymore, I liked to cook for you now it just doesn't seem to matter. I pray Mom's blood work and urine test all come back ok..I don't need anymore problems this month. Well baby as usual nothing exciting to write about just know I love and miss you always...Love Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 11, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 11th of October 2021,...Wow I could really go for a talk with you tonight. I don't think Mom is doing very well. I need one of your talks they always made me feel better. It seems like all the bad things are happen to close together, I haven't dealt with your leaving and now Mom is not doing good. I always believed God never gives you more than you can handle but, I really have to say he is pushing the envelope. I so wish we were here, It seems like nothing but bad has happened since you left. Douglas and Lydia stopped by today it was so nice to see them, it has been awhile. His car needs to go into the shop a semi hit a deer and he ended up running it over. The Rogue needs some work tires, battery stuff and I gave him our C>C and said that can be his Christmas gift. I wish you could just come back I don't like this life at all. Dusty said he was coming over in the morning sometime and is going to work in the garage Liz is going hunting and the boys have school. I have to take Mom back to the DR. at 2:30 for a urine test Sharon's going to come and help me. Well that's about it I love and miss you so much...Laura

l on Nov 10, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 10th of October 2021....Well I didn't do much again today cleaned a little and put Ripzy's pool away which she did not like. It's going to rain and then snow starting tonight so I didn't want it to get wrecked. I just hate the thought of winter coming, I usually enjoyed the change of the seasons but, now I just find things to worry about without you here. I don't know how things are going to go...I haven't dealt with so many things, the things you always took care of and it scares me to death. When it comes right down to it I don't really have a choice I have to learn I guess, although I am not looking forward to it. I am going to pay the land taxes all in one payment I think it will be easier for me. I never thought this is what I would be doing a 58 years old never....who ever said lifes a bitch wasn't kidding. I miss you so much I wish you were here to talk about things this one way conversation isn't cutting it. I do hope you hear me and I hope you read these letters. I love and miss you so much..Love Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 9, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 8th of October 2021, I think Mom and her DR. appointment wiped me right out as I slept half the afternoon so I didn't do anything today. I am just listening to one of my computer programs and then I will watch some tv before bed. All the days here are pretty much the same nothing changes. I still miss you like crazy and I really do not feel like going anywhere. I hope you are having more fun than me, It has to feel good just being healthy. I got and paid another medical bill for ya today so thats taken care of no worries, Well baby thats about it sorry I didn't have anything exciting to speak with you about, I love and miss you.... Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 8, 2021

Hi Baby, It is the 8th day of october 2021, I am totally wiped out so I am going to make this short, sweet and honest..I can not do this without you any more I can not..Take that for what it is worth, I was there for you and I need you now..Love Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 7, 2021

Hi Baby, It is the 7th day of October 2021, I didn't do much today all I did was carry in the decorations from the front yard and place them in Liz's old room, I don't want them to get full of snow. Its Sunday so I didn't even get my daily walk to the mailbox's in. After I finished writing you last night Braydon called and said he got a turkey..He seemed pretty proud! I wish you could be here to watch them grow up and become young men. Mom's dr. appointment is tomarrow I hope all goes well, you just never know, I hope you are doing well, better than well I know you are healthy and thats wonderful I just wish you could have been healthy here on earth so you could have stayed here with us. I love and miss you so much not a minute goes by I am not thinking of you not one minute.All my Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 6, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 6st of October 2021,..Well I didn't do much today I did clean and rearrange the bedroom. I found a new BB gun under the bed still in the box. I asked liz about it and sure enough it was her's. I never new it was even there. Tonight we have to turn the clocks back a hour which I already did or I am sure I wouldn't have remembered. Sharon stopped by today and dropped off some garbage that she couldn't burn and visited for awhile. Tator called today and said he got a six pointer at about 7:30 this morning, he was pretty excited and now he has one to put on the wall along with his fish. I somewhat tried to go through your clothes today but, I just couldn't get myself to do it. I don't know when or if I will be ready for that. I still haven't heard from Douglas I think I will drop him a line tonight just to check in. Mom's back felt a little better today but, the pain is still there, I hope she can get into the car as she has a DR. appointment Monday at 12:45. The world just seems to get crazier another shooting at a concert and some teenage kids were killed. I don't leave this yard if I don't have to, I do feel safe here I will never regret living here I really like it and I like this house and area, I think we did good with this. Although I do wish you were here (healthy,) I wouldn't have wanted you to have to suffer with everything you were going through, I do miss you so much. It's pretty lonely at night I would really be lost without our furry members of the family. Jackie says she really misses Cooper I couldn't even imagine that has to be so hard and heart breaking. She's having some medical issues and she misses living in Iron River, she doesn't miss Bobbie at all, I guess he is causing you trouble for the neighbors. Well Baby I guess thats all the new stuff I know..I love and miss you every minute of every day..Love Laura Oh ps. I did get a nice card from Wendy today that was nice. love you!!!! XOXO

L Laura Ward on Nov 5, 2021

Hi Baby, It is the 5th of October 2021, Sorry I didn't write last night, Jackie come over and spent the night and Liz came over so we didn't get to bed until after midnight. Mom hasn't been feeling well the last few days, her back kicked in again, although not as bad as it has gotten before thank God. Liz hasn't had to much luck with hunting this year so far but, it has been so windy out the last few days today was really windy. I guess everything went ok with Jackies visit, we don't agree on Trump and Biden thats for sure but, it is what it is. I feel so wore out tonight and I haven't done a thing, Made a meatloaf for dinner thats about it. All the doggies are doing fine and diamond is getting very fuzzy in her old age. I miss you so much and like I have said a hundred times it gets worse as the holidays are approaching. I have a strong feeling it is going to be a very very long dark winter. We have to turn the clocks back a hour Saturday night I hope I remember!!! Wendy and I are going to read the book of Luke starting Dec. 1st through the 23rd which I think will be interesting and something different. I just don't know how I am going to get through all these without you we haven't spend a holiday apart in 39 years, actually 40 years and I really don't want to start. I am trying not to regret things that occurred in the past that I wish were different that I know I can not change and not to worry about things that haven't happened yet, I have to focus on today I guess thats what everyone tells me. I will say it is easier said than done. Its hard not to worry or think about upcoming events when I know darn well they are coming. I just wish things would go back to normal I don't like the future..I miss you so much Ron. Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 3, 2021

Hi Baby, Its the 3rd of October 2021...Didn't do much again today I just seem to have lost all energy and well to get things done. I just didn't have a good day in fact I can't remember the last time I actually had a good day. I don't mean to be a downer but, this is so hard. I sometimes wish things were the opposite you would have been better at this than me. I just can not see anything getting brighter or better I just don't see how that would even be possible. Nicole said the pain would eventually get less sharp I should have asked her how long that would take. Although I guess I doesn't matter anyway as they say everyone is different. I can tell you I wouldn't wish this on anyone I never really thought about how hard it would be. I wounder if God really knows how hard it is and if he does why would he put us through it. I have why more questions than answers to so many questions. I pray you are so happy and spending time with your Dad and Mom, I know it was hard losing your dad when you were so young, It just doesn't really seem like anything in life is fair. Well Baby I hope with everything I am that you can hear me and you can read these letters. I love and miss you so Laura

L Laura Ward on Nov 2, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 2nd of October 2021, I am so sorry I haven't written you the internet went down for a day and a half I am so sorry. I really didn't have much to tell ya anyway I haven't gone or done anything. I didn't get to listen to my computer shows which kind of messed up my morning routine. I did listen to Robin tonight and I guess I was wrong and really wrong for blaming God for taking you away from me. There is so much I have to learn it just feels so overwhelming and I don't have the mind power to understand it all but, I do want to learn. I asked Liz tonight if she could take me to the book store soon to get a bible ( like the one you got me that I can not find anywhere) so I can learn. Liz was out hunting but, I guess nobody got anything in the last few days. It was awful cold and windy today so the deer were most likely staying warm. I miss you so much Ron and there are so many things I am listening to that I really would love to have a conversation with you about. I hate going through this alone I just hate it. I wish I had some sort of idea what God has in store for me because I just cannot figure out what I am still doing here. I know mom needs me I know that but, it seems so little in the scope of things. I can not imagine live after she passes and joins you and Dad in heaven, It feels awful now I am sure it will only get worse. I love this house I really do but, now it seems so big and empty and without mom it will be more empty. I still haven't heard anything from Douglas which makes me sad. I know they both have their lives to live and I am very proud we raised them to be so independent but, it is so lonely without them since you left. I am starting to think God forgot about me as well. It's not that I have ever done anything so wonderful with my life that he would remember me. I think I have messed up more than anything. I have prayed and prayed for forgiveness but, I haven't been blessed with a answer. It just scares me that mom is getting up there in age as well as Ripzy and I just don't know how much loss I can actually take. It;s not that I don't know we don't live forever I do It's just that I truly believe you left way way to soon yet I know people have left much younger but, I just can not seem to find comfort in that. I am grateful for so many things I am you set me up so wonderfully and I thank you from the bottom of my heart yet I feel so a lone at the same time. I know I have said that over and over but, it is how I feel. I pray and pray you read these letters and I pray you hear me talking to you throughout the day. Well Baby thats about it for now..I love and miss you so much..Love Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 30, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 30th of October 2021....Liz brought over some plant covers they kind of look like little tents. I covered the Rose plant you got from Jeannie and Dolly and I covered the plant Tanya brought for you I don't remember the name of that plant but it is pretty. I moved some wood chips into the new thing I made around the septic tank pipes boy, that was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Mom went to bed early again tonight I guess 6 or 6:30 is her new bed time. I still hate the nights I don't care to much for the long days but, the nights are just about unbearable. I just don't see the point of all this why I am here? If God is waiting for me to do something I don't know what to do I don't know what he wants. I pray this will not go on much longer this is hell on earth. Liz and her family all went hunting this afternoon they have a lot of tags yet to fill. Liz said both Tator and Braydon shot at a turkey but, they both missed..I would think Turkeys would be a pretty hard target. Tator did get one a week or so ago. Tomarrow is trick or treat I got a bunch of candy most likely more than I will need but, there does seem to be more kids in the neighborhood so I guess I would rather have to much then not enough. You always loved handing out the candy and you were disappointed when only 4 or 5 kids showed up. As all these holidays are getting closer and closer the sadder I get I can not even imagine celebrating any of them without you. I know December 4th is going to be a really rough one, I actually get a sickening feeling just thinking about it.I remember talking about what we should do for our 40th. We would have most likely got a pizza and watched a movie, which sounds so great right now. I so wished God would have helped you I was scared a lot in the last year or so and if I was scared I can't imagine what you were dealing with. I know I have said it over and over but, I really hope you forgive my stupidity. Well Baby I love and miss you tons and all the puppies and diamond sends their love..Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 29, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 29th of October 2021...You have been gone from me for 4 months, I was going to wait to write this until 9:30 the time you went to heaven but, I can feel myself falling apart fast tonight and I wanted to make sure I wrote to you. I miss you so much and I can't believe it has been 4 month's already it just feel like yesterday I don't know why that never changes. I don't know where to go from here, I don't know what direction to go. You were my whole world for 38 years how does one move on from that? I feel way to old for somethings and way to young for other things it's not a good place to be. I feel so blessed for something and totally ripped off on other things. I have noticed that so many things that used to make me happy or that brought a smile to my face appear to have little to no meaning anymore. Just leaving the house and knowing you will not be here when I get home makes me not want to leave in the first place. Kelly texted me and wants to get together but, I just don't think I can do that yet.I have turned down alot of invitations from my friends to get together, Julie even offered to come and pick me up and just go out for a cup of coffee but, I just can't. I know they are all trying so hard and I love them all..If one thing is true I do have good good friends. It's strange because actual leaving the house doesn't really make me feel that bad it is the return trip that just kills me. I am trying to keep it together infront of people but, sometimes it just happens and I can not stop it. Sometimes I can change the subject to try to avoid it but not always. It just seems like the world is getting crazy and a lot of what John Paul Jackson said has happened and to go through it without you is hard. Sometimes I just want to talk to you about everything and get your thought, this one way conversation isn't working. I just wish I knew what I should be doing and I wish I knew for sure that you can hear me talking to you or I knew you were getting these letters. I never really thought that much about faith however, it is a lot more difficult to have and hold on to (at times) then I ever imagined. I haven't heard from Douglas in awhile I do wish he would call more. I know he is busy and I have no right to ask anyone for anything and I really try not to get in the kids way or disturb thier lives but, I would like Douglas to call like once a week or so. That might be selfish I just worry about everything and even if they is nothing to worry about I will find one. ( some of that might be just being a mom) I know they are grown but, to me they are still my babies. Liz keeps in touch which is very nice I really don't know how I would have gotten everything that needed to be done without her. Sometimes I feel bad that a lean on her more than I should, I would never want her to think I am taking advantage of her. We may have gone through a lot of rough times but, we make it through and we raised two smart,loving. respectful children that have made their way through life pretty nice. Well baby I just can not stop saying this but. I love and miss you so much...Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 28, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 28th of October 2021, I cleaned most of the day nothing exciting and It was raining this morning so I didn't do any wood. I really don't have much to say today I feel rather defeated I guess. I can't really explain it but, I am guessing you already know what I think and how I feel. I got a picture from Kelly today it was a picture of her and Douglas I am guessing they ran into one another at a bar in Tomahawk somewhere. I really wish you were here with me, I hate this so much I wish if God had some kind of plan for my life he would give me some kind of hint. Well maybe I will feel better tomarrow but, for right now I just feel awful and can not find any good words to say. I love and miss you Ron and I do not want to dfo this life without you..Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 27, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 27th of October 2021....I did wood today and then filled the trailer back up, not all the way but, I hope it will finish the under the deck stuff...Other than that didn't do much, it takes awhile doing the wood alone but, I bring by computer out there and listen to some of my programs which does pass the time. I listen to that Kat Kerr again today I just don't like some of the things she says about heaven.I guess I have always had a image of what paradice would look like for me and the things that would make me happy and although most of the things she says happen in heaven do sound wonderful but, not everything does. I do wonder how God can make paradice one way and please everyone. Some of the things she pointed out sound pretty awful to me. It's so hard to determine who you can believe and who is just pulling your leg. I guess that goes for everything down here I guess that's where faith comes in to play. I have always been a believer and I speak with Father God and Jesus several times a day, you as well! It's hard when you only have a one way conversation. I write down questions in their message boards but, they really don't answer the question, so I can do nothing but wonder, or try and find out for myself. Well Baby, I love and miss you more and more each day and I pray you are happy, HEALTHY and safe..Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 26, 2021

Hi Baby, It is the 26th of October 2021...Another day that I really didn't do much..Sharon came for a visit which was nice because I was feeling a bad day coming on. I ended up making a bunch of hamburgers, brats and some hotdogs on the grill so I guess dinner is made for a week. I should do wood in the afternoon we will see how nice the weather gets I heard its going to rain on Thursday so I would like to get it done before that. Mom went to bed early again tonight, I think she gets sore from sitting all day long, and it is getting pretty dark early these days. The days seem so long for me and yes I still find myself looking over the railing to see if your on the couch, I don't know when I'll stop doing that. The news is nothing but, bad news all day long..I wish this world would just blows up and be done, Or at least the raptue to happen and with any luck I will be one. Every day is the same nothing changes and nothing gets better. All the topics I use to be really interested in I don't seem to care about much any more but, there is nothing else to do or listen to. Well all I seem to do is complain but, I really don't see to much of a light at the end of any tunnel sorry. Please remember and never ever forget I love and miss you..Love Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 25, 2021

Hi Baby, Its the 25th of October 2021...This months seems to be going so fast in a few days you will be gone 4 months, yet it feels like yesterday to me. I have been keeping busy with the wood but, the night are still really hard. I really don't feel like I am getting better with you being gone at all. I feel so torn because I want you here with me but, I know you are in a good place and healthy and you deserve to be healthy. I don't know how to get past this I really don't. Oh Ron I have so much to be grateful for because of you, I just didn't want it alone I wanted it for us to enjoy together. I wish I understood why God choose not to heal you or I wish I understood why some get healed and others don't. I wonder all the time if my faith was not strong enough or if I should have done something different if that would have made a difference. I love and miss you so much and I pray you are watching over all of us...I also pray that you have saved a place for me along side of you. Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 24, 2021

Sorry i must have hit a wrong key..anyway continued....I can not figure out what I am here for and I told God several times I do not know. I just pray and pray you are happy, healthy and safe because if you are not then what is the meaning oif anything. I hope with all my heart and being you are reading these messages I wish I knew for sure...I love and miss you so much I wish and pray you will speak to me soon Love always Laurs

L Laura Ward on Oct 24, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 24th of October 2021. I worked outside most of the day which did feel pretty good it wasn't to cold or hot so it was nice. Mom still hurts a little from her tumble the other day but, there isn't any injury that I can see. I listen to some of my programs and then put mom to bed at 6:45ish. I did remember to put out the garbage and cover the important plants. I sure miss you I miss all our talks, and boy I have a lot of questions I could ask you now. I really don't know what I am doing here anymore, I feel like I am just going through the motions of the day. I am trying to keep everything up the house the yard ect.. so you don't feel like I don't care about it..I assure you I am so proud of this house and all the work you put in it I can not even express how proud I am. I just never ever thought about being here in this house without you never, and I am not sure how to do it. I don't know why God left me here I don't know what he wants me do

L Laura Ward on Oct 23, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 23rd of October, 2021...Well where to start...I wasn't doing much watching my programs and what not but, then the sun came out so I thought I better cut the grass. So I started cutting the grass for awhile then I thought I better check on Mom plus it was getting alittle chilli out. Well Mom went to the bathroom and lost her balance and fell onto the toilet I think she hurt her back and hips. I got her heating pad out and check her over to the best of my ability ( which isn't much ) after awhile I went back out to finish the grass but, the temp. really dropped it was freezing but, I did finish. i checked on Mom and she said her back hurt but not to bad so thank God for that. I gave her dinner and her pills hoping they would help relax her. I just feel so overwhelmed with everything, I just can not do this alone I just can not. I don't know what God is thinking I truly don't he must think I am so much more than I am. I am afraid to go outside where I can't see mom and I feel bad not getting the things that need to be done , done! Either way I lose! I don't want you to think I am not keeping up your house or your yard I swear to you I am trying. Mom is so unsteady on her feet she wobbles back and forth and she scares me to death sometimes. Don't get me wrong I do not regret anything she needs help and I would do anything for her, I just feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. I do not want you to think I am not getting things done because I don't want to believe me I know how hard you worked to get this place and I would never want anything to happen to it never. I am hoping Sunday will be better and maybe I will get some wood stacked. Please don't be upset but, like you always told me I am not 30 any more and believe me I feel it. Well bottom line is tomarrow is another day and I can only hope and pray it will be better..I love and miss you so much, I just hate doing this alone yet I know I have no other choice which is sad in it self. Love always Laura..

L Laura Ward on Oct 22, 2021

Hi Baby It is the 22nd of Oct, 2021..This is the second time writing this for some reason it wouldn't post for me..Anyway sorry about yesterday it was just a very long bad day for me..Liz and Dusty came over this morning and we all planted 20 some flowers by the gas tank and 5 Oak tree;s and we found a maple tree ( I think ) growing in the ditch on the side of the driveway so will dug it up and replanted it in the yard. I hope they all grow, the flowers should all come up in the spring which should look really pretty. I have enough projects to keep me busy awhile if the weather holds out. I should stack some wood in the afternoon and maybe cut grass I was thinking maybe I would leave it till next year but, maybe I will cut it once more. I sure wish I could have a conversation with you about things, I think I am prepared for whatever " if you remember all our talks about getting ready " but, I should could use a second opinion or thought. I would love to get your ideas and I would love to know if you think I am missing anything. I just hate and I mean hate doing this by myself..I am so grateful for everything I have thanks to you however, I never wanted it for myself I wanted all of it for us. Everyday I try to remember to tell all the doggies and Kitty that you send them all your love from heaven. They all miss you so much we all do, I will never understand why God tore us apart never, at least not while I am on this earth. I just have to remember that God does not make mistakes and God is absolutely good. I never thought I would struggle with that concept but, I never lost a husband before and I guess that make you struggle a little harder. Well baby I better go please remember all of us and watch over us..I love and miss you every minute of every day..Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 22, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 22nd of October 2021..Sorry about yesterday it was just a bad long day...Liz and Dusty came over today and we planted a bunch of flowers my the gas tank thing I made it should look nice in the spring. We also planted 5 oak trees and replanted one tree that for some reason was growing in the ditch? I don't know why or how it got there. I pray they all grow it will look nice if they do. I do need to go over to Liz's and get like 20 more pine trees for the boarder. I think if it doesn't rain I will attempt to stack some wood in the afternoon, I don't know if I will bother to cut the grass any more this year or maybe just one more time. I sure wish I could have a conversation with you I could use some advice or at least another opinion on a few things. I haven't heard from Douglas in awhile I hope all is good with their new house and getting settled in. Ripzy to a spill down the stairs this afternoon but, she appears to be ok I did give her a asprin just incase, I wouldn't want her to be in any pain if I can help it. I am trying to get ready for " well you remember all our conversations" and I think I should have enough but, I wish I could ask you your thoughts and opinions on it. I really just don't know what else I could do... I miss you more and more every day and the only thing I can think of to make myself feel better is that God has held you and your no longer cold, tired and taking so many pills. I wish he would have held you here instead of there, I mean I want you to go to heaven just not this early in your life, We had alot yet to do and we worked so hard to get to this point. I tell the doggies and kitty you send your love to them every day and we all miss you.. Love you always Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 21, 2021

Hi Baby, Its the 21st of October 2021, I didn't do much but clean today..I am having a pretty bad day missing you a lot. I just want you to come back period!! I think I am going to write to you in the morning as like I said it's not a good night. I love and miss you so much..Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 20, 2021

Hi Baby, Well it's the 20th of October 2021,..It was a rainy gloomy day so I didn't do to much. I was going to run to the bank and cut the grass but, neither one of those things happened. I listened to some programs and finished with Robin Bullock now I am just sitting downstairs..Mom went to bed early tonight I guess she had some visitors last night. ( if you remember mom's visitors) I wish you were here, I don't think I can keep going alone much longer, I am not as strong as I once was. I really thought the nights would slowly get better but, they are not. I know everyone keeps saying everyone heals at their own timeline. However I really don't feel better at all and as the weather is getting colder the more afraid I am getting. I can't really explain it but, it is what it is. I worry about everything possible going wrong or breaking or God knows what. I hate the thought of all the important dates arriving our 39th Wedding anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years....I simply just don't understand any of this. I do know I miss you and Love you and I wished I did a million things different, I wish I wasn't so stupid on and on...I can only hope and pray you forgive me for not understanding what you were going through..I love and miss you every minute of every day..Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 19, 2021

Hi baby, It's the 19th of October 2021,..I didn't really do much today..I ran to walmart and took the dogs over to Liz's but that's about all. I did watch some more of the programs I told you about yesterday. I still just don't know what to believe, everything seems so crazy. I wish you were here so we could talk about it like we used to although this is different than are usual conversations I still would love to hear your take on it all. Maybe I will run to Antigo in the morning if mom feels like going for a little ride..I have a medical check to cash I must have over paid or something either way a check is a check. I really would like to talk with you..I talk to you all the time but it would be much better if it was a two way conversation. Still waiting for RED OCTOBER !!! either way I do not think I can get any more ready for what ever is to come... Well Baby I love and miss you tons..Love always Laura

l on Oct 18, 2021

Hi Baby, Its the 18th of October 18th 2021...Oh Baby I don't even know how to explain what I learned today..Remember you and I would sit downstairs and say we didn't think anythings the dems could do that would blow our minds? Well my mind is completely blown away....I don't know for sure as I am not yet in heaven but,I am assuming you now know all the wonders of the world and I bet your mind was blown also. If even half of what this guy was saying is true my mind would still be blown.. I am going to watch it all over again in the morning but,this time I am going to take a lot of notes. I did get some work done I made a boarder thing around those pipes I was telling you about. The next 2 and a half months should be very interesting, scary and exciting all at the same time. We have waited what seems like forever so I pray this timeline is correct. I so wish you were here with me so we could have one of our discussions about all of it. Well babe you know everything there is to know but, for us down here it will be like the 4th of July. I love and Miss you so much and I wish we could have a back and forth conversion..I pray and Pray you are happy,healthy and safe...I love you so much...Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 17, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 17th of October, 2021...I attempted to keep myself a little busy today, I did some wood and cleaned the house, I also gave Mom a shower. Liz and Dusty stopped by and Dusty mored some logs for me so I can do some more landscaping around the septic tubes. I have a hard time mowing around them all the time. That lawnmower and me seems to be at odds sometimes although I think I am getting better. I miss you so much Ron, I wish you could just come back here and be with me and the family. I think I will start that landscaping in the afternoon if its going to be nice out and maybe cut the grass will see how things go. I think the back deck is dropping again I wish I knew what you did to fix that..I told dusty and I guess he can find out what we need to do. I miss not being able to just come in and ask you questions there's so much I no nothing about. I miss and love you so much..Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 16, 2021

Hi Baby, Its the 16th of October 2021...I didn't do much again today I just don't seem to have any get up and go what so ever..I manage to stack same wood that was under the deck but, that was about all. Sharon and John came over today and brought some eggs and some apple cake for Mom so that was nice. John went over to Liz's because Tator got a turkey and they were not sure how to clean it I guess. I miss you like crazy and that doesn't seem to be getting any better. I also paid a bill that came in the mail, took the car to kwik trip and filled it up. I sure wish you would talk to me, I know it's most likely my fault for not being intoned enough but, I don't know how to change that. I listen to my programs and do what they say but, still nothing has changed. I am guessing I am missing something. I do like to call your phone and her your voice...Well baby I love you and miss you so much....Love always Laura

l on Oct 15, 2021

Hi baby, It's the 15th of Oct,2021...I didn't do anything today, Dusty came over and put some pipe tape on a fixing for the bathroom sink upstairs as it was leaking a little. I made some bean soup but,it didn't get done in time for dinner so i ended up making pancakes with potatoes and sausage. I listened to a lot of my programs but,nothing really new to talk about. I didn't even get out of my pj's today. I didn't have a really bad day but, it was a good day either. I just don't think I have what it takes to go on without you I really don't. I can't figure out why I am still here and I don't know what I should be or expected to do. If God has a plan I said it a hundred times he has to tell me I can not figure it out, I just can't. I honestly wish this October thing would just happen and I could come up there with you. I have no desire to stay here, just wake up clean,cook watch tv and then back to bed thats all I do and I do not wish to go anywhere. Sometimes I think this is just a cruel joke...Well baby I hope and pray you are happy, healthy and safe and I pray God will let us be together real soon..Love alwaysLaura

L Laura Ward on Oct 14, 2021

Hi Baby, Its the 14th of Oct 2021....Took the doggies over toliz's today and we took a walk in the woods. Rena and Zara went into the little creek that runs through her woods and got all muddy..Then Ripzy thought she would try and she got stuck in the mud. I had to pull her out and she was a mess. We sprayed them all down with the hose but, ripzy was still pretty bad. I brought her home and we went right in the shower, I tried to stay dry but that lasted about a minute then I just sat down with all my clothes on and gave her a good shampoo. I am sure she will need a asprin tonight she will be wiped out. The woods were nice I always loved the smell of the fallen leaves. Liz said she is going to go hunting after work Friday over by Steph's house I hope she gets lucky. I miss you so much its hard to find some enjoyment in this life without you. I pray I don't have to stay here without you to long and I mean earth long not heaven long. I love and miss you tons..Love you Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 13, 2021

Hi Baby, It is the 13th of Oct, 2021.....Douglas picked me and Mom up about noon today and took us to see his new house..It was very nice to see him and his house is very nice a lot of old style charm. He took up the carpet and has hardwood floors which are very nice...I know you would love to make him some cabinets that always was your thing, which you always did so perfectly. They should be very happy and comfortable there. I do wish they had a little more room for the doggie but, that's just me. I am very grateful Douglas is out of Wausau that worried me all the time. His house is very warm and inviting with all the wood which makes it so comfortable. I just wish you where here to enjoy this mile stone with him. We did a good job with our kids they are strong, respectful, honest, and have made their way in this world. I do feel they are both set and have strong family values and will be just fine.. With that said I feel good about laving and joining you, I don't know what God's plans are but, I feel ready. I know I do not want to stay here alone and I feel I have accomplished what I needed to do. I hope you saved a place for me like I asked you to...I love and miss you more and more each day and the nights are long and lonely. Please tell God I am ready....I love you and miss you love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 12, 2021

Hi Baby, Its the 12th of oct,2021...It was a pretty uneventful day, I missed you a lot. I just can't seem to get passed this and I don't know if I want to or not. I call your phone often so I can hear you I don't know what I am hoping for but, I like to her your voice. I am still waiting for the " RED OCTOBER " to happen although I don't really know what it completely is. I know something has to happen everything just seems to be getting worse. Nothing much has really changed around here but, I believe it will eventually make it here. I am still praying to God and asking him so many questions that I need answers to they are not just wants they are actually needs...I need to know! If God has some type of plan for my life I sure wish he would let me in on it as I do not have a clue. This is the hardest thing I have ever been forced to do and I know I am far from alone in this nightmare. I often think of all our service men and women who are left at home and how they must fear every phone call, every knock on the door could bring them unwanted news concerning their spouse. I am really starting to understand the saying "life is a bitch " I do have a whole new out look on life now thats for sure. I can not help but wonder how God can say " this is the day the Lord has made rejoice and be glad in it " when God is the one who decided to take your life away. Well Baby I better go please always remember I love and miss you...Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 11, 2021

Hi Baby sorry I didn't write yesterday...Its the 11th of Oct 2021, We stacked wood the other day and I was beat..sorry ...They said there was a 90 percent change of rain and storms tonight so I cut all the grass and picked up some of the wood and stacked it in the garage. I then took the doggies over to liz's were Rena must of got a little to close to a skunk, She didn't smell as bad as before but liz and I washed her down with shampoo and the hose. I made a nice little fire tonight just to get the dampness out of the house but, so far no storm and it just rained a little. I am trying my very best to keep everything up for you but, man it is a lot. I don't like to be a bother to the kids if I don't have to. I so wish you would come home or I could go and be with you. Some times everything just feels so overwhelming and I will never get it all done right. Like I said any times before I am so grateful for this house, yard and area the dogs and Mom but, it doesn't feel the same without you here. I want you back more than anything yet I know I have to figure this out some how. Douglas and his family stopped by the other was nice to see them. I really want to see their house I am sure it is nice. I just wish we could go see it together , I know you already seen it but, not since they moved in. Well actually I bet you have seen it and are watching over all of us..I just wish we could have a conversation. I simply don't know if the things I am doing are right or wrong and I miss our conversations about those type of things. I still miss you more and more with each day time doesn't heal anything...I pray you are watching over all of us and helping us anyway you can Lord knows I need that. I love you and miss you so much..Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 9, 2021

Hi Baby, Its the 9th of Oct, 2021 had a really bad day and the nights the same so I just want to say I love and miss you....I am very sorry for everything honey...Love always Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 8, 2021

Hi Baby, Well its the 8th of Oct.2021....Liz came over and drove me to mole lake for smokes and we stopped at fleet farm for kitty food. Diamond has been as picky lately. Other than that didn't do much. I was kind of cold and tired all day. I talked to you a lot which I pray you heard. I have to say again although I am so grateful for this house, yard and everything we accomplished together I just don't want to do this any more not alone not without you. Nothing is getting better ( emotionally ) and I just hate the thought about thanksgiving and Christmas. not to mention Dec 4th which should have been our 39th wedding anniversary. I just don't understand why God made us go through everything we went through just to bring us through it and give us everything we wanted just to take you away. Now I sit in this house that you built with your own hands alone why? I do believe deep down God is absolutely good but, I still feel what he did taking you away when we finally accomplished our dream was just cruel and mean. I know God has his own plans and he wants all his children to come home ( heaven ) and yes I did want you to go to heaven I want all of us ( you, me, Douglas and Elizabeth along with their family ) all to go to heaven I just think it could have been later he could have fixed your heart just as easy as he took you and let you stay with us longer.. He could do that for everyone so why make us go through this kind of pain and suffering why? I just do not see the good in that. You made so much progress in life and overcome so much you should have been able to enjoy you success without all the restrictions you had to deal with. I should have known something else was occurring...why would someone who accomplished so much revert back to his old ways...I should have known I should have seen I am so sorry. I was acting out of fear i think I have no other reason for being so stupid. What I can tell you the guilt for not being more aware is more than I can take, I just can not live with this and maybe that is Gods punishment for my ignorance. All I wanted all I ever wanted was for you for us to enjoy everything we had, maybe for some people what we had wasn't much but, for me it was more than I every dared to hope for. I could have never done any of this without you nor do I want to enjoy it without you. I know Mom needs me now but, what happens when God takes her away? Than I will be truely alone and I do not want that nor do I want anyone else. I don't think life has any light at the end of the tunnel for me anymore I know whats coming and its nothing but, more pain I know Mom is 95 and I know she had a full and wonderful life which she really did deserve so her passing will hurt but, not like yours. I just will have nothing after that nothing that will be worth living through daily pain and sadness. Well baby I am having a really bad night which is becoming more and more usual and the doggies will be needing to go out so I will wrap this up..Ron I am begging if there is away for you to contact me please do If there is something God wants me to do before he will allow me to heard you please tell him to help me know what it is that I need to do. I love and miss you so much Love Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 7, 2021

Hi Baby, It's the 7th of Oct 2021....I worked on stacking wood most of the afternoon, I don't want the kids to have to do it all and I know you wouldn't want that either. It's starting to sprinkle out a little so I am done for the my back has had enough. I am trying to keep everything up as best as I can I now you worked so hard getting all this I don't want to disrespect it in any way. I talked to you alot today I hope you were listening and I hope you are reading all these letters. I am pretty wore out tonight..Liz and her family are going to Tators football game tonight I hope the rain holds off. Well baby I love and miss you more and more every day I wish I could reset time..I love and miss you so much..Love always Laura

l on Oct 6, 2021

Hi Baby, Well its the 6th of Oct,2021..Its also Dusty and Liz's anniversary. I didn't do much today.I did make chicken and suds on the grill and brought some over for liz's family which worked out well since it was their anniversary which I didn't even know so..silver linings I guess. Mom and I did run to the bank.butcher shop and walmart so we are set for this "RED OCTOBER" if it does happen. Douglas never came over so far this week he was thinking he might stop by Monday or tuesday but I guess he couldn't make it..I miss him a lot these days. Tator went salmon fishing and caught some nice ones he said he had a lot of fun,he said Dan took him somewhere near Greenbay. Ripzy's back legs are getting pretty week, poor little thing I wish there was something I could do for her..she goes so fast sometimes and then ends up falling before I can catch her. I miss you very much,I read a letter on the internet today that really was true. It said not only did I lose someone now I am afraid of everything and that is true I don't know why but, things I always enjoyed I don't now because I always think of the what if's. well baby that's about it other than I miss you and love you very much..Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 5, 2021

Hi Baby, Its Oct 5th 2021..Well I got all the dirt spread out in that other box you built,,I am going to use that box for a veggie garden I think.. All the flowers in the other box below the deck are doing very well, which is really something as I have never had a green thumb. I am waiting for the " RED OCT" to come I guess it is starting to effect some stores in the bigger cities..Amanda Grace showed a picture of a store shelf and it was completely empty. I would feel better about things getting bad if you were here with me, I really don't want to go through this alone. I think I will run to covantage in the morning and full the cars up just to be safe..I think I have enough of everything else although I need to get the gas tanks for the grill filled, I guess I could get some more canned food like beans and whatnot just in case we lose power which scares me because I know nothing about the pump thing. I have heard that if we do have a RED OCT. it shouldn't last to long. Well thats about it for today I am glad I got that dirt done though. I covered the dirt up with that black paper so the weeds wont grow I didn't have enough to cover it all but, it was close enough. Well Baby I love and miss you more and more with each day...Love Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 4, 2021

Hi Baby, It's Oct, 4th 2021..Well I spent most of the day cleaning under the deck and taking all the buried wood out and stacking the rest. It took me several hours but, its done and believe me I feel it. Like you always told me I'm not 30 any more. Dusty brought over several pallets so I can stack the newly cut wood and keep it off the ground. I will have to see how I feel in the morning, I may have to skip a day to recover. I sure missed you today although I did speak to you and I pray you heard me. Rena was so good the gate was open and she stayed right by me the entire time. Well Baby I just wanted to check in I am pretty wiped out so until tomarrow I love you and miss every minute of every day..Love Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 3, 2021

Hi Baby It is Oct,3rd 2021, Dusty and Liz came over this afternoon and we worked outside until 6:30ish..We cleaned out under the deck that wood scaffling (don't know how that is spelled) was all rotten and we tossed it. We did get that little red wagon out..I missed that thing. I will see how the weather is on Monday and maybe I will start moving that firewood around so we can stack the new stuff Dusty cut up. I really don't know what I would do without their help..It would be very hard if not impossible for me alone. I hope everything we are getting done is ok with you I really do. I miss you so much every day its so hard to get the courage to go on every day when I really just want to give up. I surely don't want to go on like this for years that would be just torcher. I pray and pray that you will talk to me or at least read these letters. Braydon cut all the grass today he did a really good job..He also met the new neighbors and Liz said they were very nice. It would be nice for him to have some good friends in the neighborhood. Well thats about it for tonight..I could go on and on about how much I wish you were here but, I think you already know that..I love and miss you Laura

L Laura Ward on Oct 2, 2021

Hi Baby, Its Oct 1st 2021, Ron Liz, Dusty and I worked outside all day we got alot done alot of wood cut and slit. So I am pretty wore out tonight..I just didn't want to call it a night without telling you how much I love and miss you...I hope you are happy with everything we are getting done, I don't want to do anything that would upset up. I love and miss you so much...Liz ordered a ring for me tonight...I didn't want to put the date you left on it but, I did put our wedding date on it, I guess it just felt fight..We will be married 39 years on the 4th of Dec. so I thought it would be fitting. I love and miss you so much..Love Laura Ps. I will try to write more later I am just beat tonight

L Laura Ward on Sep 30, 2021

Hi Baby, Well its the 30th of Sept, 2021 and now we turn the page to another month...Winter will be here soon. I normally enjoy winter as long as I don't have to drive anywhere but, I am not looking forward to it this year. Just things about the holidays makes me cry....I really don't feel any better than I did the day you went to heaven. I know everyone say's it takes time but, nobody can give you a timeline everyone is different but, I thought it would be getting somewhat better by now. I haven't heard from Douglas in a long time..I know he is busy and I don't really know when he is working so I don't want to bother him. I kept listening to all my programs and although I like them they really don't make me feel any better. They say its going to be a red (rough) October we will see,either way I am pretty well set up thanks to you. Diamond seems to be doing better she is eating again and going outside. She had me worried for awhile there. All the doggies are doing good I do have to make a vet. appt. for some shots before the snow comes. I pray you are reading these messages. Yesterday was bad and today wasn't great either, I just don't see the importance of anything any more, I did most of the stuff I did for you, I know you never really cared if the house was clean or if I made diner but, I felt it was my job and enjoyed doing it for you. Granted you were very easy to please you weren't fussy about anything. Oh man I miss you so much at night...well I love and miss you Ron..Love Laura

L Laura Ward on Sep 29, 2021

Hi Baby, Well its the 29th of Sept, 2021....I can not believe you have been gone for 3 months at appox. 9:30 pm. It's been a rough day..I attempted to keep as busy as I could. It still feels like yesterday to me. I keep praying and praying but, it is like nobody is listening. I think it is going to be a rough long night. Jolene was just here and dropped off a 50lb bag of suds which was nice and stayed and visited for awhile. Ron I miss you so much I wish I could come by you if nobody is going to answer my prayers. I think I am going to go for tonight because I can tell the emotional wave is on the way...Remember I love and miss you so much and I will keep praying..Love you always Laura

L Laura Ward on Sep 28, 2021

Hi Baby, It's Sept, 28th, 2021...Got a few more things done today..Cut the grass, cleaned a little, took the dogs over to Liz's for a run around and made something on the grill tonight. Things just aren't getting much better, I really do not want to do this anymore...I guess nobody up there is really understanding....I am so grateful for everything, the house, yard, cars, enough money to keep everything going just fine ect..but I wanted to share it all with you not have it for myself. I still can't sleep in the bed, I really don't know why I just know I can't. The doggies are all doing pretty good Ripzy needs a little more help but all in all she's doing pretty good. Diamond has me worried, she's not eating much and sleeping all the time. Mom seems to be doing better these days although her leg gives her trouble when she walks on it. I contacted Jolene and ordered a bag of suds..I figure I can give some to liz and Sharon as I don't think we will go through 50lbs. I miss you so much..I don't know how to move on without you. Well I guess I'll leave it at that as night is moving in and thats my really bad time..I love you and miss you Ron..Love Laura

l on Sep 27, 2021

Hi Baby, Sept.27th 2021,..Didn't do anything today, It was a another emotional day...listened to my programs and attempt to do what they said but, still nothing. I enjoy listening to them but, for some reason I not getting through. I am going to keep trying though it is worth it. I did manage to water the flowers and feed mom but not much else. I so hope you are happy,healthy and safe I just wish you could or would talk to me. I call your phone all the time I don't want to forget your voice and I changed by phones wallpaper to a picture of you. I love and miss you so much..Love always Laura

l on Sep 26, 2021

Hi Baby, Sept 26th 2021, Sorry I didn't write for 2 days..I was at the cottage with Dusty,Liz and the kids closing it down for the winter. Aiden cleaned the cutters and we brought up all the boats and put them in the extra garage. We brought in the dock it was pretty cold at least for me..Liz and I cleaned the house and Dusty drained all the water and turned everything off and put anti-freeze in what ever needed it. I think we did pretty good. I just hate coming home knowing you will not be here, Its the worst part of the drive home. I brought home one of the rugs and put it here downstairs to brighten it up a little. It looked bigger in the bedroom but, I think it looks ok down here also. Oh baby I miss you so much and I am just fearing this winter without you. I am still waiting for someone up there to give me some kind of sign or message I want to hear from you so much. I love and miss you tons..Laura...

l on Sep 24, 2021

Hi Baby, It is the 24th of Sept.2021...I am at the cottage with all three doggies..Joann is home with mom and diamond. Dusty and liz are coming up tonight. Than in the morning will take in the dock,cut the grass,clean ect and shut it down for the winter. I hate being away from home, I feel closer to you there.I didn't bring you with because I didn't want anything to happen to you, I always think of the worse thing that could happen. I miss knowing your not at home waiting for me, I hate the drive home because I know you wont be there. I am still waiting for a word or a sign from you,God or anyone I need to know you are happy,healthy and safe. I will never stop waiting never....but sooner rather than later would be better. I love and miss you so much Ron..I really do..Love always Laura

l on Sep 23, 2021

Hi Baby,Its the 23rd of Sept.2021...I am going to have to make this short tonight as I am having a exceptionally bad night..I just don't understand any of this, God said he is always with us however, I don't feel like he is with me at all. I don't know what we did that was so wrong that he had to make you sick and then tare us apart like this..I have tried so hard not to be angry but, I am...Joanne is coming in the morning or early afternoon I was thinking about heading up to the cottage and start cleaning before Dusty and liz come up to take in the dock and shut it down for the winter. I know none of what happened is your fault baby, I am just so mad that it happened the way it did especial when I know he could have stopped it....Baby I am going to cut it short I can hardly see the keys..I love and miss more and more each day...Laura

l on Sep 22, 2021

Hi Baby, It is the 22nd of Sept 2021, Well I cut all the grass today I think it looks ok...Sharon called tonight and said it is going to frost so I should cover the plants..I covered as many as I could I didn't have enough sheets to cover them all. I think I will attempt to finish the thing around the gas tank in the morning..I only have a little more of the black grass covering left, Its a little tricky because I have to go under the tank and there is a gas line to cut around, it won't be bad if its not windy. Iam trying to create little projects to keep my mind occupied other wise I think about us all day and everything we are going to miss doing together and that leads into a pretty bad day. Liz brought the car back tonight there are getting a loaner car for a few days, not that I need it really, I don't plan on going anywhere. I think it is going to be a long hard winter according to what I listen to, which is bad..winter is always hard enough and to get through it this year without you will be really hard. I have no idea how to plow the driveway...I counted on you for so many things more than I ever realized. I guess we each had our own things that we did around the house to keep everything flowing, never thinking what we would do if one of us were not here anymore. I guess I have no choice but, it try to do the best I know how...I want to keep things up so everything looks nice for you.Well Honey I don't have much to say other than that..I miss you and love you so much..Laura

l on Sep 21, 2021

Hi Baby, Its the 21st of Sept. 2021....I worked outside a little today, I put down the black covering that goes under the woodchips. I didn't finish it all as I need some help getting around the gas tank. We will be going up to the cottage this weekend to close everything down and get the dock in. I don't know if we will get the fence in this year or not gets getting pretty late in the year already. There seems to be so much to do and not enough time to get it all done. We had a storm late night and as usual Rena did not enjoy it at all. I have also noticed that with you not here I don't enjoy them much either. Since you left it seems everything scares me, I think it is because I don't know how to fix anything and when you were here I never worried about any of the stuff. Know it is first and foremost on my mind all the time. Even when you couldn't physically do anything I always knew I could ask you what I should do and you would always know. Those chewy chill chews Liz's get me for Rena really do help, they don't stop her fear completely but, they do seem it make her able to cope better. I am getting a little worried about Diamond she is not eating like she use to. I thought it was because I didn't get her the right can food that we always got. I went back and got the right kind and she still is not eating half as much as she always did. I know she is getting up there is age but, I pray I don't lose her too. I know she misses you maybe that is why shes not eating..I simply don't know. Anyway please read these letters and always remember I love and miss you so do all our critters..xxoo

l on Sep 20, 2021

Hi Baby, Its the 20th of Sept 2021....Keep busy today, did some cooking,baking, cleaning ect...Dusty and Liz are still having some trouble with the truck..use know those car dealerships...just so dishonest. It looks like a storm in moving in tonight. Its getting pretty dark and windy. I had a talk with God today..well I did just about every day I but, instead of just asking a lot of why questions I tried to make it more what I am grateful for. I do know you set us up so well,we worked hard together along with God and we got it all done. I was just hoping we could enjoy it together for a few more years.Mom had a pretty good day which was nice to see. I saw two cats outside last night one black and white like Diamond and the other was more multi colored I think that was the one hear before that let me pet her or him. I called your phone once or twice today, sometimes I just have to hear your voice. I love you and miss you so much..Love Laura

l on Sep 19, 2021

Hi Baby, Its the 19th of Sept. 2021...Didn't do much today other than miss you. I did manage to water the flowers but, that was about it..I called you a few times and then sat downstairs most of the afternoon. I have to make my way to cost cutters one of these days my hair is getting so out of control. I paid your other medical bill so we are all caught up, and don't worry about them if more come I will pay them, It will be just fine. I will not allow anyone to think you don't pay your bills..never..We are going up to the cottage next weekend to take down the dock and close it up for the winter. Mom has been pretty bad in the mornings but, she does get better as the day goes on. Well baby I don't have much else to inform you of as like I said I didn't do much...Remember I love you and miss you every minute of every day...Laura

l on Sep 18, 2021

Hi Baby, Its the 18th of Sept 2021....I got a big surprise today Marge and Wendy drove up to visit..It was very nice to see them both, I think GOD blessed me with the best friends on the face of the earth. We didn't go anywhere as you know I just can not leave this house yet, But, we sat around and talked it was so nice. Sharon, John, Kevin and his son stopped by too which was also very nice. and if that wasn't enough Amy from across the street brought me over the biggest plant ( mums) I have very seem they are just beautiful.I placed them by the sign Marty made for you so now you have lights and a beautiful plant....Everyone has been so wonderful I have so much to be grateful for. I just wished you were here to enjoy everything with me. Marge and Wendy looked really good and I was so grateful for thier visit it meant more than I think I could ever express. Oh baby, I miss you so much and I am trying so hard to fell grateful that you are in heaven and free of all these earthy problems. I guess all my sadness and regrets are selfish I needed you just as much as GOD did but, I do not know what his mighty plan is either way GOD is absolutely good and I have to keep reminding myself so that. Baby please just know I love you I have always loved you my ways may not have been "normal" but they were meant with good faith and love. Until Sunday night remember I love and miss soooo very much,,,, I am still waiting for you to let me know you are Happy, Healthy and safe.

l on Sep 17, 2021

Hi Baby, Its the 17th of Sept.2021..I actually got a few things done today..Cut the grass worked outside and took the dogs for a run at Liz's. I started a fire as they say it's going to get down in the 30's tonight. Douglas and Taylor stopped by and grabbed some of your tools,they are moving into their house. I really wish you were here for this I know you would want to help him get settled in. I am not looking forward to this winter without you, all the holidays will just not be the same. I scared to think about plowing I counted on you for so much. I have been attempting to keep up with everything the best I can..I think I am doing ok with the grass and what not. I keep calling your phone so I can hear you...Douglas brought it back today which was nice I always worried when I called it he would answer. I think I miss you more and more with each passing day, people say it will get better but, no so far. I think I will miss you ever day forever.....I love and miss you so much Laura

l on Sep 16, 2021

Hi Baby, It is the 16th of Sept 2021,...I missed you all day today, Didn't really do much I cleaned the grill and paid the WPS bill that was about it. I checked the weather channel as it is really windy out and it does look like something is coming but, it looks like the strong part is upnorth more. Lucy called today but, I missed her call I didn't call her back because I just was having one of those days. Maybe I will call her in the morning, I know she is going through the same pain as me. I better give Rena her chill pills tonight just in case the storm comes, they do seem to help her and Liz got me 2 more bags. Ripzy took a tumble down the steps tonight, she seems ok but, they are giving her a lot of trouble, poor little girl. Well baby I could go on and on about how much I miss you but, I hope you know all that already. Thank you for giving me everything I have I am very grateful for everything, I just wish you were here to enjoy it with me. I love and miss you so much baby,,,Laura

l on Sep 15, 2021

Sorry, for some reason it posted it already and I wasn't done....Anyway I keep waiting and praying that someone would talk to me or visit me and let me know something..I have a lot of why questions without answers. I will keep waiting and praying that you will contact me in some way. I love you and miss you more with each passing day..Laura

l on Sep 15, 2021

Hi Baby, Well it is Wed.the 15th 2021....Time just keeps passing by but, it still feels fresh in my mind. I think I called your phone a half a dozen times today just to hear your voice. Douglas came and got the jeep today he is going to start moving in his new house. Liz has the car as they are having some trouble with the truck. Douglas had a DR. appt. in the later morning and he said he was going to stop back and visit but, he couldn't so I didn't see him for very long. Liz took me to walmart so I am set for the rest of the week, except I wanted to get some round-up but walmart was out. The days and nights are starting to feel the same, I just miss you all the time. I hate this so much I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I wish GOD would let me know what the plan is...I have no idea and I really don't see a light anywhere. I keep waitin

l on Sep 14, 2021

Hi baby, It is Sept 14th 2021...I ran up to Sharons for about a hour today to pick up a few things but, that was about it. I feel very mad today not at you but, with GOD. I can not figure out what we did that was bad that he slit us up like this. I don't know how people deal with this I really don't and all the things I read makes perfect sense for about 10 minutes and then reality kicks back in. Bottom line is I am here alone and you are gone, I don't see anything good in that...I know you are in no more pain but, GOD could have healed you and instead chose not to. I feel nothing but anger and yet I still want GOD in my life and pray for his comfort and support. God knows everything yesterday, today and the entire future so he knew how this was going to hurt and he still did it anyway. I just don't have any other way of says this I just feel that is nothing but cruel. I am very sorry Ron for not being more uplifting and acting maybe not that way you thought I would. I want nothing more than for you to come home to this home where you should be, there is plenty of time to go to your heavenly home but, it wasn't this time not this soon. Maybe my thoughts will change with time but, for right know I do not see that happening I would lie and tell you everything is fine and I will be fine but, what is the good of that GOD knows what I am feeling there's no sense trying to lie about it. Just remember I love you and miss you and I do want to be with you again..Love Laura

l on Sep 13, 2021

we Hi Baby, It's Monday the Sept.13th 2021, I actually got pretty much done today, They say we might get some bad weather this evening into Tuesday morning so I cut the grass. I found out a little about your infection and one of the causes was living in an unclean home. If I caused your infection because the house was not clean enough I am so sorry, I should have bathed you as well to make sure you were clean but, honestly I never even thought about infections...I am so sorry. The more and more I look into things and look back on things I should have and could have done so many things different. I never thought we were not coming home never....We have been down that road so many times and you always came home. I am sorry I failed you in so many different ways, I can't even think of them all. I cleaned today and did some laundry but,that doesn't help you anymore does it. Oh baby I just pray you are healthy now and there is no more worries about sickness or infections, I wish I could do it all over I would do so much better but, second chances don't happen when we need them the most. All I can do now is ask you to forgive me....I will always love and miss you Ron always...Love Laura

l on Sep 12, 2021

Hi Baby, Its Sunday the 12th of Sept 2021....Lydia's 5th birthday party was this afternoon Dusty, Liz and Braydon went they said a lot of people were there.Douglas gave them a tour of his new house everyone seemed to really like it. Oh how I wish you were here to help him with the odds and ends of owning a house. I know you have loved working with him on it and spending time together. I didn't do much today, I am watching Sid Roth but they are talking about healing's and it just makes me keep asking why, why not you. I watch the stories of 911 and what all those people went through, there is so much pain and suffering. I know GOD has plans for all of us but, the path to get there is so hard and painful. America lost 13 service members in Aug.2021 and they were all so young most of them in thier 20's. Baby I miss you so much I miss all the things that you did every day that I never even really thought about. I miss you just being here just knowing you where here was so much comfort, oh how I wish you never left. I guess it is true " never take the little things for granted" as usual I learned to little and to late. Last night was a bad night I didn't get to write Dad I was so emotional drained. Ron I pray and pray you will somehow let me know you are alright...I love and miss you so laura

l on Sep 11, 2021

Hi baby, It's Saturday the 11th 2021...20 years after 911....Well another rough day..Ron I always have bad nights since you left but, the morning and afternoon I worked through but, not any more now the mornings, afternoons and evening are all bad. At first I just wanted to know why..why couldn't you be healed, then it went to anger towards GOD and now I feel anger towards you as well. Even though I know It was not in your control..crazy right. With each passing day I am more and more sure I can not do this. I am mad at GOD for taking you I am mad at you for leaving I can't find joy or comfort in anything I don't remember things, everything is just a mess and scrambled. I am attempting to make some type of projects to keep busy, but, I really don't want to do anything. I try hard not to cry in front of Mom but, she's a mom and she can tell I am not right. I have tried everything I know to talk to GOD and let him know whats going on but, he doesn't answer or give me any clues what else to do. I am tired and just want to stop feeling bad. I listen to all my programs and what appears to make them happy and full of hope and joy I find disappointing and sad. I find no joy in what they seem to think is so joyful. Everything they are saying about heaven is not what I thought heaven to be...and although some of it does sound wonderful some of it sounds awful. All I know for sure is I just want to be with you, living here without you is not joyful or happy it's just sad and lonely.I know I do not want to go back to work not like the world is today, and I just don't feel like going anywhere and when I do I just want to come back home. I just don't know how long a person can go on like this but, I do know however much time it is way to much.. I can not help but, think if GOD rips apart your family and life he could at the very least try to explain why. Until Sunday Baby I love and miss you more every day....Laura

l on Sep 10, 2021

Hi Baby, Well it's Friday night Sept 10th 2021....Well it wasn't a good day but, it wasn't he worst day either, although night is coming and that is always bad. Liz took me to get Lydia's birthday gift this afternoon, we got her a fancy outfit and a scooter with lots of colorful lights and some hair ties and bows. Oh baby I wish you were here....I just hate this...GOD won't talk to me, you won't talk to me I don't know what or why all this is happening. I am trying not to but, all I feel is anger and disappointment towards GOD. I see no upside to this situation and he sure isn't letting me know a darn thing. ( which I think is nothing but cruel) I used to be so interested in what is going on in this world but, know I simply just to not care. My life ended with yours but you got heaven and I got this. I am happy that you are is no more pain and your not suffering any more I do thank GOD for that. I just don't feel the same anymore..Well Baby until Saturday night remember I do love and miss you more than anything...Laura

l on Sep 9, 2021

HI Baby, Sept.9th 2021..Today is Daddys birthday 99 years old(earth numbers) Well the week started out bad and end the same way.I did get a lot done around the yard but, then I started straighten out the garage which started a endless flow of emotions. Don't worry I did not toss anything just cleaned a little. The cutting up that wood I told you about didn't go good, well it went ok I just didn't like it. Liz is going to take me shopping Friday to get something for Lydia's 5th birthday gift. Baby I feel like I am trying so hard here but, getting no where.I am thankful for so much but, feel like I lost everything at the same time. I hate being here alone, and yet nobody can take your place, I never thought this would be so painful, My whole body aches and I feel so empty inside. I wish GOD would let me know why..why all this pain is for a greater purpose, Julie check in on me again tonight, She is such a good friend and she has such a big heart. She is going to make some young man very happy some day. She just got a new puppy Bo passed away of cancer maybe you could find Bo and befriend him. Kat Kerr says animals can talk in heaven if that is correct I bet that is just the best. Baby I wish GOD would take me home so we could be together, I just don't know what he wants me to complete here on earth what is my purpose? Well Baby, if you know you'll have to direct me or at least visit now and again..I miss you so much. Well Baby I have to write happy birthday to Daddy so until Friday night remember I miss you and Love you soooooo much..laura

l on Sep 8, 2021

Hi Baby , sept 8th 2021, This is actually the second letter tonight, for some reason then other one isn't on here.I miss you so much, every passing day I miss you more. I can not understand why GOD heals some and not others. Why did he not heal you? I have always consider myself a pretty faithful person. I have sinned yes a lot am sure and I should have done better. I should have noticed what was happening with you and I should have acted more quickly getting you out of that hospital..I knew it was wrong to keep you there but, I didn't act and for that I will be forever ashamed. I pray you will forgive me and I pray GOD did not take you away to punish me. I can not understand why I remain here on earth, I have nothing to offer anyone and I have no desire to remain here, I do not know what I am suppost to complete or accomplish. I prayed and told GOD that he must be more direct as I am not getting what ever it is that he wishes me to get. I pray with everything I have and with everything I am that you are Happy, Healthy and safe, you went through so much torment on earth you deserve everything GOD as to offer you. I was very upset to find out heaven has no marriage, it really hurt to hear that..I just pray you remember me and are watching over me. I just want to come up there with you more than anything but, I know GOD does not work on my timeline. I just pray he gives me some direction as I feel nothing but lost and a lone. Baby, I can not thank you enough for this home, this property and all the things you have done for me over the years, I know I did not do this a lone nor do I believe we did it together without help from the Lord. We over came so much and you over came more than anyone I have ever meet, I know that couldn't have been a easy road to travel, But, I am so grateful I was blessed enough to travel it with you. I love and miss more and more with each passing day..Love always Laura

l on Sep 8, 2021

Hi Baby, It is Sept 8th 2021, Yet another day passed. I kept busy today I used your saw I didn't like it much, I trimmed some tree's, brought in some wood and cleaned up the garage a little, don't worry I did not through anything away.I knew I was going to have a bad day I could just tell so I tried to work all day but, it really didn't make a difference. I keep listening to all my programs and they all say GOD is good..yet I feel nothing but anger towards him. All my programs speak about GOD's healing powers yet GOD choose not to heal you...why? Each day gets a little worse than the next and I am finding out quickly that I can not continue like this. I am so grateful for this home our yard and that we managed to get debt free but, it just doesn't feel right without you. I pray and pray for GOD to take me so I can be with you but, he just doesn't. I truly think I am being punished for not seeing what was happening with you medically. I have no desire or unfinished work that I know of to complete I have nothing to offer anyone, why is he keeping me here? Sept. 9th is Daddy birthday so I told him I would make him a cake It would be nice for you to show up as well. GOD is the I AM he is the beginging and the end and his will , will be done. I pray he doesn't make me stay here to much longer, I just want to be with you..I love and miss every minute of every day ..Laura

  Liz Woodward on Sep 7, 2021

Hi dad, I still can't believe you are gone. I'm sorry for all the heart ach I caused you over the years. There are definitely times I wish I could turn back the clock. I miss you so much. The boys are doing good, getting really excited for hunting season this year, Aiden gets to sit by himself. I hope you have a chance to play woth Zena, Zach, Zoey, Easter, mitzy, and sniffles (if she is there) give them all love for me. Mom is hanging in there, it's been real hard on her. I try at visit as much as I can, it's not easy with the kids schedule. I wish she would stop thinking she is a burden on us now because she isn't. We want to help. Well I have to get to bed, have to work and gets the kids off to school in the morning. Give grandpa a big hug for me, I miss him too.
Sleep tight dad
Love you,

l on Sep 7, 2021

Hi Baby, Its Sept. 7th 2021...I worked on the yard today mostly the south side of the house where all the wood was stacked up. It looked pretty bad but, it does look better now..Dusty set up the saw for me in the garage so I can start cutting it up..I haven't heard anything from Douglas lately, I hope I didn't do something wrong or upset him in some way. Ron I just don't understand any of this. I know GOD is all good and Love but, I can not help but feel anger towards him.Which up sets me more because I know I shouldn't feel that way towards GOD. I am just so angery mostly because of lack of understanding I believe either way thats how I feel. I miss you so much mostly at night when we would sit downstairs and watch our shows. During the day I can usually manage to keep myself busy although I wouldn't be completely honest if I said I don't cry during the day also. I just see something and it reminds me of something and the tears just come. I know everyone is so busy with their daily lives but, for me time has just stood still, I know the world is not going to stop just because Laura is having a bad time but, I just feel like I don't see the kids like I use to. Honestly I am most likely a drag to be around I really can blame them. I miss you so much I just can not believe I can keep this up. My Daddy's birthday is in a few days on the 9th, I wrote him to and told him I would bake him a cake. I feel bad because I haven't wrote to him in a few years, but I am going to start writing him every day just like I do with you. Wendy texted me today she got the covid and can't do anything for 10 days, which I am sure is hard for her because she is always so active. I am going to attempt to cut some of that wood in the morning I pray everything will go alright, I am trying to get a little more set up for the winter months. Winter has always seemed so long and I think this will be an extra long winter without you here. Well I better go a storm is moving and miss you Laura

l on Sep 6, 2021

Hi Baby, Its Sept. 6th 2021, I planted a bush that Tanya and Chis brought for us..I planted it in front of the gas tank I am hoping it will hide the tank a little when it grows up. I had a pretty rough weekend, I honestly do not know how people go on with thier lives after something like this, I can not seem to do it. I can't even make it through one day and I am already stressing about the upcoming holidays and birthdays and God knows what else. Ron I would give anything to change those chain of events, I just want to turn the clock back and do it all over with more knowledge and more insight. I fear so much, Moms getting pretty old and Ripzy isn't to good I don't know what I will do if they leave...I won't have any reason or purpose anymore. I don't mean to sound like a snowflake I just don't seem any type of light at the end of the life would have it there really isn't anything coming down the road but, more pain and misery. I understand GOD works on his own time with his own reasons but, I am just human and I think everyone has a breaking point. Some maybe able to go on and find some comfort in memories however I am not one of those people. As you always told me I am black and white no grey area, everything was either right or wrong I guess you were right. Well I guess I have wined enough for one night, I am afraid thats about all I can actually do these days. I would say it doesn't take much effort but, it actually does. Well Baby until Tuesday night I will let you go., I still have to drop daddy a few words tonight. I love and miss you so much..Laura

l on Sep 5, 2021

Hi Baby, Sept. 5th 2021....I don't have much to say today baby other than I can not do this....I may have been a strong person years ago but, that is not me any more. I am sorry if you think less of me but, I honestly do not know how to do this and I don't have the energy any more. You have been here for so long and I can not imagine any kind of life without you here, it is simply to hard. Sorry I know you thought I was stronger than this but,the truth is I am not. Nothing is getting better at all and all I do is the same thing every day, not to mention check on you on and off all day but, you are never there. Well baby I love you and miss you more and more each passing day....Laura

l on Sep 4, 2021

Hi Baby, It's me again Saturday night Sept 4th 2021..Pretty uneventful day I did manage to go to walmart Diamond needed some more canned food and littler...130.00 dollars later well, you know how that goes...It was another hard day, I feel like I am working so hard but, running in place at the same time. I know that doesn't make sense but it is what it is...I really don't seem to be making any progress moving forward, I watch and listen to programs all day, which at the time does make me feel a little better but, it really doesn't last very long. I promised I would not pray to have bring you home, I know you are happy,healthy and full to the top with love in heaven and I would never want to take that away from you. I am really trying to keep my word about that but, actually I would love you back home here in this house with me, so I am torn. You deserve heaven and everything that comes with it so I can not let my feels disturb your happiness. I have no idea how to move forward every day I go through the motions I am excepted to do or at least have always done but, nothing seems worth it and it doesn't give me the feeling of accomplishment it once did. I just hope something changes this is pure hell on earth....I guess GOD gives us all crosses to carry mine just seems exceptionally heavy. Well honey I could complain about myself for hours but, what good would that do either of us. All I can say is how sorry I am for not seeing what I should have, and not acting on decisions that deep down I knew should have been done eariler. It's a little to late to say I will make sure I do it better next time. You enjoy heaven baby, I must pay for my short comings and lack of knowledge...I just pray you and GOD will forgive me..Love you miss you...Laura

l on Sep 3, 2021

Hi Baby, I made a mistake and put Aug 3rd..sorry it is actually Sept 3rd, 2021..Love you

l on Sep 3, 2021

Hi Baby, Sorry about yesterday I don't know what was going on with my computer..Anyway its Friday Aug 3rd 2021...Didn't really do much today it was rather damp and rainy outside. I did watch some life after death video's and they really got me thinking....As much as I love and miss you I can't keep asking GOD to bring you home.....It isn't fair to you. You are with GOD and Jesus and in no pain or sadness, you deserve to be happy and healthy and surrounded with love. Me wanting you home was selfish and I am sorry. I can not ask GOD to take you away from all heaven has given you and ask you to give it all up for me. I pray and pray you are so happy and healthy I want the best for you I always have I guess I just had a misguided way of giving it to you. I pray Zena and Zoey along with all the other furry family members we took in throughout the years are with you. I am sure Rena, Ripzy,Zara and of course your little buddy Diamond miss you all the time. I tell them good morning and goodnight from daddy almost daily. Living like this ( without you) is rough and I haven't made it through one day without crying. I so pray you are reading these letters, I am not sure what or how much you can relate to the feelings and emotions here on earth. From what I have listened to you are far above earthy feelings and emotions and you are filled with light and love unlike anything you have experienced here on earth. I do wish GOD would have taken you to heaven healed you and returned you to earth but,that wasn't the plan I guess. I never know how I can go on one more day here alone but, somehow it happens, its not enjoyable and it is not something I would wish anyone to go through yet here I remain. Ron if you could visit me anyway possible I would truly enjoy it I would love to see you or talk to you anything...Please enjoy heaven baby and GOD willing I will see you soon,,Love and miss you so much...Laura

L Laura Ward on Sep 2, 2021

Hi Baby, Well its Thursday and Dusty just got your jeep back he had the oil changed and what not. May computer is acting up tonight so this may have to be short. It keep doing strange things so I will try again later..Just know please remember I miss you and love you and even though Kat Kerr said there is no marriage in heaven as far as I am concerned we are still married and always will be.. Love you much...your wife forever Laura

l on Sep 1, 2021

Hi Baby, Well it is now wed. the 1st of Sept. I was listening to some of my shows on the computer actually I was listen to Katt Kerr I think that was her name, I have seen her a few time but, not alot. Anyway she said you can hear me speak to you..GOD I pray that is true. I also pray you can read these letters. Ron I am out of ideas and I do not know what else to do. I tried begging with GOD but, Robin Bullock said that is wrong I have to be demanding and assertive, so I tried that and I got the same result. I do not know what else to do. Kat Kerr said it is wonderful where you are and I know that is true, and I know you are happy, healthy and safe which does give me comfort but, not having you here hurts more than the comfort can cover. I don't know how to get to the mental awareness so I can hear you or see you. I don't know how to get to have a personal relationship with GOD and Jesus I know I believe but, I don't know how to get higher in my faith so I can hear . Kat say's you still remember the ones you left behind here on earth and you can watch us thought the port holes of heaven, I pray that is true also. You have all the answers now and yet you can not share them with me. I pray and hope that if GOD THE FATHER will not let us talk or will not let you return I pray that he takes me to join you shortly. I do not want to stay here without you. You were everything your the reason I did everything I did, now there is nothing left. The kids have their own lives and families and we did a great job they are great people and will do great things. Please if you have any say in the matter do not leave me here....I want to join you please...Love always Laura

l on Aug 31, 2021

Hi Baby, Its Tuesday the 31st of Aug,21..The last day of Aug...You have been gone for all of July and Aug....I just can not believe or except this. I have to call the vet. in the morning and try and get an appointment asap..Rena bump on her face is back I think it is bigger this time, plus all three of them need thier shots as well. If I can make it on a Friday either Dusty or Liz can come with me, its rather hard taking all three by myself. Douglas called and said he can actually move into his house 2 weeks sooner which is nice because Lydia's birthday is the day after they can move in. I wish you didn't have to miss this, I know you will be there but, its not the same. Deep down I really want to be mad at GOD for taking you away from me But, I know that is wrong yet I can not seem to get passed it. In my mind GOD can do anything there isn't anything he can not do and it would have been just as easy for him to heal you as it was to take you away. I know GOD has a bigger plan for us all and he see's things in the bigger picture but, he also knows we can not and he knows how much this hurts us yet, he still does it. Its very hard to try and wrap my head around that. I know GOD is always good and he loves us all and he said he would never leave us but, I sure do feel alone right now. I listen to Robin Bullock and Amanda Grace all the time along with several others trying to understand. I have so many questions and I have written both Robin and Amanda but, even the answers they gave me didn't really make me understand. I really think I am even dumber than I had thought. I even informed GOD in my prayers that he needs to be more direct as I am not getting it. People tell me we may not be ready to know the answers yet but, there will be a time when GOD will inform us it is simply not the time. I understand that however it brings little to no comfort. I know you are in great knowledge and greatness and you maybe able to see GODS future plans which has to be amazing and you deserve it you deserve all the wonders heaven has to offer. I wish you could tell me you forgive me for not catching on this guilt is consuming and always upfront and center of my days. Tator did come home from the hospital today (THANK YOU GOD) and he looked well. School starts in the morning for this year I pray they both have a great day. Lydia starts 4K it maybe hard for Taylor letting her go I remember our kids first day was always hard for me. Well Baby thats about it for today pss. I did get the grass cut all of it in and out of the fence..I love you so much and miss you so much. If you can maybe you could speak with Jesus and let him know I need more help than the average you Laura

l on Aug 30, 2021

Hello Baby, Well it is Monday Night Aug 30th 21....Really didn't do much today..It was one of those bad days that seem to just come out of the blue. Tator is in Marshfield hospital he has been having a hard time breathing but, Liz said he is doing better and maybe he can come home on Tuesday. Liz has been staying with him there at the hospital. We sent him some flowers and candy to try and cheer him up a bit. I just can not figure out how to continue day by day life without you...I don't know what to do I can't clean everyday forever. I am having such a hard time now I don't even want to think about what its going to be like in the winter..Not to mention all the up coming holidays....I just don't know how I am going to get through this. Don't get me wrong, the kids and everyone have been so good but, they can not replace you. How do I live every day life? Dusty took the jeep in to get the oil changed and have it looked over before winter which was very nice. I wish you could speak to me and let me know how you are, and maybe give me some insight on what I am suppost to do with my life as I really have no idea. The days are so long and the nights are lonely I pray this isn't my future...I feel bad feeling this way because I have a home, cars, a nice big yard, my puppies and diamond but, without you they just don't feel like they did before. If you can in anyway contact me please do I really need to know how you are....Well until Tuesday remember I love and miss you very much...Laura

l on Aug 29, 2021

Hello Baby, Here we are Sunday night and I am still here and you are still there....So no prayers answered today...( that I know of anyway) The weekend was long and difficult I try to keep myself busy but, sometimes that just doesn't work. I keep cooking and freezing stuff I really don't know why I guess its something to do. The house just feels so empty and lonely yet I have no desire to leave and go anywhere. I wish I could turn the clock back or wake up from this nightmare, it just doesn't feel real to me it feels impossible that you are gone. Two months and yet it has not sunk in to my head or heart. I hear a car and go to the window to check? check for what I don't know...for my prayers to be answered I guess. Well I have a feeling this is going to be a rough night, I can hardly see through my tears to type this so I will let you go and I will write you again on Monday...I pray you are Happy, Healthy and safe...Love always and forever...Laura

l on Aug 28, 2021

Hello Baby, Well he it is Saturday night another day passed...I cut all the grass today because they said we maybe getting some bad weather tonight into Sunday, but who knows. I hope you can hear me talking to you as I found myself doing it all day long. I also pray GOD is showing you these messages or maybe you can just see them yourself I do not know how things work up there although I hope I can find out soon. The worlds a mess and the one person I always enjoyed talking to about the events of the day was you. I can not imagine what I am going to do with the rest of my life, I pray I do not have to live without you for 5,10 or twenty years. I think that would be so mean and GOD is good so I don't think he would have me suffer like that, at least I pray he wouldn't. Douglas's birthday is Sunday but, we already gave him our gift, I hope he has a nice relaxing day. In another month he will being moving into his new home. I wish you could be here for that. Liz and her family will be coming home from thier camping trip sometime on Sunday. I saw a few pictures and videos on the internet and they all seem to be having a great time although I didn't see Tator with a fishing pole in any of the pictures. Rena has the bump on the side of her face again although it still doesn't seem to hurt her at all even when I press on it. I don't know if the vet can look at it as she doesn't like the vet at all. Well honey that was pretty much my day..I pray and pray you are happy,healthy and safe...Love always Laura

l on Aug 27, 2021

Hi Baby, It is Friday the 27th of Aug.2021....I have been listening to all my computer programs. I am asking GOD to make sure you are Happy, Healthy and safe. God can do with me what he will and I am sure he will, I just want to know you are good and you know my feelings and thoughts. I am attempting to figure out how I can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ where we can have a conversation and he can allow me to know how you are. I can not express how important it is to me that you are safe and you have no pain and you are with your parents,friends , family members,and all our animals that we have helped throughout our time together here on earth. I want you to know I am and will continue to work on my personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, as I know no man coming before me but, through him". I don't know how long it will take me to actually heard from the Lord but, I will continue to try. It is so important to me that you are safe and healthy. Ron, I know I could have been so much more informed and I will struggle with that knowledge for ever but, I will continue to reach out to the Lord and pray he will answer my prayers. I love and miss you more than I could ever tell you. Love you always Laura

l on Aug 26, 2021

Hi baby, Well its Thursday Aug, 26th 2021 and another day has come and gone. Pastor Dick from the Sheriff's Dept. came over to talk awhile. He was very nice and understanding and it did feel good to talk and pray with him. I can not really say I feel any better over all yet the days just keep passing by. I just want you back or to go by you and anything less than that doesn't seem to matter. Dusty, Liz and the kids went camping with weekend. They left this morning and are coming home on Sunday.Doug said he may come over Friday so maybe I will make some taco's you know he likes those. I was listening yo one of by shows on the computer like I also did...and I have to listen to it again I think Robin was saying I am praying wrong so I will have to go over that. Well baby I don't really have any thing more to say, I still for so guilty and stupid for not catching on to your struggles, I hope and pray you are happy, healthy and safe. I pray you will forgive me and watch over all of us in this house...Love you always..Laura

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